Abstruse Musing

I went to visit the doctor today, she prescribed Avanza again. I didn't buy them last time, but I did now. I need proper rest. That's the undeniable truth, perhaps I haven't gone about achieving it in the most natural way. My justification is that I haven't bought any in a long time. There are some nights where I'm back to staring out the window. I don't know if I should welcome the insomnia or not. I feel like this is now a part of me, it's been an ongoing struggle since high school. I hardly ever went to school during my senior year in high school. I'd turn up when I felt like it. I developed a bit of a reputation for being late to school and absent. Despite all that, I tried to forge ahead. Close friends knew how much I struggled with it. I'd see the sun rising, not because I woke up early. But rather, I saw day break due to my inability to sleep. When I grew tiresome of staring at the ceiling or outside the window, I'd go outside for a jo...

So today has been the second day of working at my cousin's place. I'm tired but I figured I'd write.  On the first day, I literally blanked out when my co-workers spoke to me in chinese. I mean I understood what they were saying to me, but I just couldn't put the words together and say them. I guess this is what happens when you only speak english at home. Luckily enough, I was speaking fluent chinese again by the end of the day. It's a good thing I grew up watching television shows from Hong Kong. I feel obligated to keep working there (at least for a while) because my sister quit after working there one day. I don't want to let my cousin down nor my colleagues. Speaking of colleagues, I found one of them to be rather good looking. Pity I can't speak mandarin, at least there's some eye candy at work. Exams are right around the corner, there's another 3 weeks left in the semester. I received the wedding invitation in the mail yesterday. I have n...

My sleeping patterns are really out of sync. I installed L4D again and played a campaign with a friend. My eyes hurt, maybe 5am wasn't exactly the best time to immerse ourselves within a virtual zombie apocalypse. I'm submitting my work late again, I hate that. The morning is so quiet, pure and genuine. I used to loathe being awake at this time, but lately I've grown so accustomed to this way of life. When I finish my late assignment, I'm going to hibernate until the next day. A psychology graduate once told me that I have an identity problem, I thought nothing of it and merely scoffed at his poor choice of words. Ten piercings later, maybe I do have an identity crisis. Despite what he said, I'm still going to get my eleventh one after my exams. This is me writing on 30 minutes of sleep (give or take a few) in the course of two days. I think I'll take a nap and resume highlighting those dreaded journal articles. Perhaps I'll make a bonfire out of the pile...

I've been trying to mend what has been perpetually broken, I've had some success. With each story of success, there always follows the story of failure. There are still other people I no longer have the courage to pursue. I suppose the saying is true. For everything you have missed, you have gained something else. For everything you have gained, you have lost something else.  Merely standing by and waiting for things to fall into place seems so detrimental to personal growth. This is the second night in a row that I'll have no sleep. I find I write much fluidly whilst in a drowsy stupor. The downside is that I get very easily distracted in this state. ...Just superb, I spent the last 40 odd minutes falling in and out of sleep at my computer. I think its a sign that I must sleep soon. There is so much to be done, I'd rather stay busy than be reminded of what I left behind.

Woke up from a nap and now its time to plough on with the reports. All I can think about is macarons at Le Renaissance Patisserie... They do have really nice olive oil macaron with white chocolate ganache... Okay time to snap out of it. Macarons can come later, this weekend or perhaps the next. I'm armed with my can of V, time to think organic chemistry. Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely.

It feels horrible inside. I hate being sick and lethargic. I haven't been too productive with my HR critique. The bulk of my time was spent coughing and making tissue wontons, my nose is running like a tap. Maybe I'll catch the train in 3 hours and make my way to the uni computer labs. I should go to the biochem lecture, besides I'd have 4 hours at hand to complete my essay and submit it online. I guess thats my plan, whether I'll follow suit is a real mystery to me. I discovered nodding off at the computer is quite literally a pain in the neck. I guess old habits really are hard to break. I've literally lost all sense, cognitive sense for the most part. Maybe it is too late to walk away afterall. Sense or sensibility, I wouldn't know which to choose. I've grown to loathe ambiguity.