Abstruse Musing

I must get around to making pannacotta again! One of the few difficulties I've come to realise is that time is often very difficult to devise. As we age, we become increasingly aware of the responsibilities we have to bear and the consequences of our actions. And as a result, we must learn to maintain our obligations and social activities at equilibrium. I've found this to be a particularly difficult task to juggle and I'm still trying to find the status quo. I recall having this conversation many months ago with a friend from university, he too struggled to find the healthy balance between obligations and social activities. It wasn't until he brought the issue to light that I actually realised this problem existed. If you spend too much time fulfilling obligations, then you end up neglecting friends and vice versa.  At the present, my obligations have the utmost priority.  A friend asked me if I was free to catch up tomorrow, but I had to turn them down...

I feel, I felt, I have felt.  Bill Nighy recited that particular line in Wild Target. I found that line very compelling and it conjured a fair bit of thinking. I hope I typed that correctly in the title, my french skills seems to have slowly disintegrated over the years. I'm quite disappointed that I was unable to join my close friends on the toxic adventures we pursue every Tuesday. Sadly I cannot write like Hemingway whilst intoxicated, although I wish I could. I've grown to truly loathe my choices, particularly in the academic department. I need change. I'm merely human and I'm susceptible to committing mistakes. I used to fear change, I even hated it sometimes. But now I welcome change because change is yet another opportunity for self growth and enrichment. I'll get by, I always do. I'm eagerly awaiting November 18th, its the only thing I look forward to this dreaded month.

I've been thinking and pondering, but I do believe I did the right thing. Sometimes disappearing is the best option, maybe it is not befitting for all situations... I see disappearing as the end and as means of protecting either yourself or the intended party. For the most part, I was trying to protect the latter mentioned. But I cannot deny that I also intended to protect myself, for I am merely a selfish person. I'm still having trouble sleeping, those pills aren't magic pills. I was awake til 5am last night, I simply could not fall asleep. Before I knew it, I was tying up the laces of my runners and out of the house. I had long forgotten the liberation of jogging admist the cool and crisp air, but that sensation was soon awoken. I once enjoyed jogging or going to the gym because I just focused on what I was doing and didn't have to think. One step at a time, I followed the winding pathways, ran across the barren roads and into the intr...

...a raving rabbid. The little fellow on the left pretty much sums up how I and my sister feel about living with dad. He complains too much, sings at totally inappropriate times, never washes his own dishes... I think the list could go on, really. I have no idea how mom could've survived marriage. I give her credit for that. If I was in her position, I probably would've gone insane. My sleeping patterns have been thrown off balance yet again. Great. And I have an unsatiable hunger for expensive macarons. I'm going to be so broke. Once again, refer to the picture on the left. It pretty much sums up how I feel. And after looking at so many pictures of hand made things, I feel like knitting all over again. Time to finish that scarf, I think...   scream bunny by saintlucybelle @ flickr

Yes, this is Shirley . I had the pleasure of meeting her tonight. A giant spider on my head rest, it was a nice little meeting which I screamed to. I knew something was up when I got in the car... Tim and Dani were giggling an awful lot, though I didn't discover Shirley's presence until they told me. Rest assured, I still screamed. So we headed to our usual hang out, Mars Hill. I missed that place, its been a while since we stepped in there together. I still love the aroma of coffee, the aesthetics of the paintings (sometimes they have weird paintings hung on the wall), and the feeling of being at home. I guess it was an ideal spot for Earth Hour, they even lit up candles throughout the cafe. Something about the painting of the astronaut captured my attention the whole time. I couldn't stop staring at it. I suppose we're all a little obsessed with discovering what lies beyond this earth. Perhaps thats why we have space shuttles. I used to think there wer...

Since my break from blogging, I've been trying to break addictive habits. Namely my too-frequent caffeine intake, wasting my time on video games and nocturnal ways. I no longer sleep when the sun arises, I'm not addicted to video games now, and I've been without coffee for 2 months or so. All I need now is to start jogging... I was somewhat motivated the other day. I was dressed in my running clothes and was about to put on my sneakers until it started to rain... Failed attempt. Sadly, I broke my caffeine ban a few days ago. I wish I could break the habit of talking to you, things aren't exactly sunshine and rainbows all the time. Maybe all I need is a bit of perseverance and a far greater pessimistic outlook. I feel guilty about leaving for Canberra next year since Sylvie is coming back in April. But it seems as though being at home is going to suffocate me. On a lighter note, Amy tells me Chuyen is due in a month. Pretty exciting news, soon Chuyen will have anot...

This title is dedicated to Suzanne. She mentioned the theme song for Frasier and I just couldn't get it out of my head for a few days. And I guess the song is correct, life is a bit like tossed salad and scrambled eggs. You can't unscramble scrambled eggs. Okay, so this is the last entry I'd write in a while. I've learned a few things about myself;  I've realised is that I'm horrible at cultivating bonsai trees because I forget to water them. Sounds of rain falling help me fall asleep (thank you Brit). I don't think about you, but you're always on my mind. I'm so emotionally attached to my teddy bear, it even has a name (yes, I'm really 20 years old). I've got to stop quoting Seinfeld because no one besides Cindy gets it. People think I'm obsessed with nail polish and fried icecream (thank you facebook). Feigned enthusiasm is really difficult to uphold and easily noticed when followed by periods of silence. I read novels more t...

I remember ignoring a certain classmate when I'm upset with her. There was a certain girl back in kindergarten, I'll call her N (I sure hope I haven't already used that letter already). I can't remember why I was mad at her but she kept apologising to me. I recall crossing my arms and telling her that we were not friends any more and I would never forgive her. I totally forgot all about that until I saw her again in 7th grade. Old habits are really had to break, and especially if they stem from the early days of childhood. I still find it hard to forgive a person even at the age of 20. There was even a time that it took me 5 years or more before I could bring myself to forgive someone and actually say hello to them. Human nature is a strange thing. Sometimes we do not cherish what we have, we only realise the importance and true value of something until we've lost it. I tend to forget that I shouldn't ignore people when I get annoyed or mad at them. I guess th...

It feels horrible inside. I hate being sick and lethargic. I haven't been too productive with my HR critique. The bulk of my time was spent coughing and making tissue wontons, my nose is running like a tap. Maybe I'll catch the train in 3 hours and make my way to the uni computer labs. I should go to the biochem lecture, besides I'd have 4 hours at hand to complete my essay and submit it online. I guess thats my plan, whether I'll follow suit is a real mystery to me. I discovered nodding off at the computer is quite literally a pain in the neck. I guess old habits really are hard to break. I've literally lost all sense, cognitive sense for the most part. Maybe it is too late to walk away afterall. Sense or sensibility, I wouldn't know which to choose. I've grown to loathe ambiguity.

So it seems Cindy and I were quite famished at around 11pm, we had porridge for dinner seeing as we had no appetite to eat. I suggested we walk out to grab ourselves a snack at around midnight, it was an insane idea to walk around at midnight... But she somehow bought that idea. Cindy decided she would take her bike and I decided I would walk (seeing as I can't ride a bike). It was quite an odd scene indeed. We quietly opened the garage door so she could fetch her bike, we tried to make haste and not make much noise. Surely, if our neighbours had seen us they would've mistaken us for robbers. The streets looked very eerie at midnight, the streetlights rendered a strange glow on the path, and the barren roads bestowed a rather alienated atmosphere. Except one thing my senses came upon soon calmed my nerves, the smell of eucalyptus trees that were recently planted at the nearby park. I found that aroma very calming and familiar, I think it even cleared up my sinus. Walking pa...

I just spoke to the mumbler moments ago. I said I was going to sleep soon but I still received a call. I really don't know what to think any more. I said I wanted to forget, but it is hard to when the problem wavers before me. Maybe it would be easier if I you didn't exist, that way my thoughts would never be of you. Old habits are hard to break, how do you break a habit that has been going on for almost a year?  I've been distracted this entire mid semester break week. I haven't done an honest bit of studying nor anything constructive. Hanging out with friends too often is not considered to be productive. Then again, you can't be spending all your time hitting the books. But oh, moon festival is tomorrow... To go or not to go? I think I need to sit down and reconsider my plans, I can't find that healthy balance between studying and social life. I'm not going to think about it for now. I'll sleep on it. Cindy wants to go look for...

I don't think about you, but you're always lingering in the back of my mind. Sometimes I yearn to speak to you. But, as of late, you've become the focal point of my headaches. I could not bring myself to speak to you today. Maybe I've grown tired or sick of how things have been. Or perhaps the lack of change I've seen in you. A few hours ago, I was reading old diary entries... I never realised how much time, ink and paper I'd dedicated to you. All of which I've felt was wasted. Its plausible to say that ignoring you is totally out of the question. Perhaps I should do a disappearing act on you. At least that would be much more bearable than to say goodbye. It seems I've irrevocably developed feelings for an absolute stranger. Maybe I wished you would magically stumble upon all this and read everything. I guess some things are better off being left unsaid. I probably will never change, at least not for the time being. I'll always be that nocturnal pe...

Today I met up with Huong, Tony and Huynh. It was a pleasant surprise to see them again, its been a while since I last saw them. We decided to drive to Hurstville, mind you, without the aid of a map. Its been a good 5 years since I've been there by car, and I had little or no recollection of how to get there. Thankfully our efforts did not fail, we reached our destination in due time. I am ever so thankful for road signs! It was quite bland and nostalgic. I used to go up there everyday in primary school because my Mom worked there (at my Aunt's restaurant). I recoiled each time Tony mentioned the words "coffee", "icecream", and "games". I don't particularly dislike those words, I'd say they're my ultimate vice... Tony sure has grown up a lot, he's only 14 and almost as tall as me. And yes, I had coffee, icecream and browsed several game stores with him. Huong seems to have matured a fair bit, she will be 21 this coming August. T...

So I've learned one very important lesson, and that is to not pull an all nighter before an exam. I thought I'd be fine, I mean, I didn't look too dead the morning after. I wasn't yawning much either. Sat down at my exam, did two whole pages of my exam just fine. The next thing I know, my eyelids are getting heavy. I'm falling in and out of sleep during my final exam. Just superb! That was a lesson well learn't, and I'm pretty sure I won't be repeating that fatal mistake again. Just one more exam to go and then freedom for a month! How I anticipate the freedom! The notion of a holiday sparks mixed feelings for me. I can do everything I wanted to do during the semester, but found no time to do before. Conversely, I feel like I've wasted my time doing nothing overly productive. I've planned to start jogging again this holiday, I sure hope I can stick to it. The notion of dragging myself out of my warm bed into the cold to jog isn't all too jo...