Abstruse Musing

I should not let my own assumptions upset me, I really hate jumping to conclusions about a person's thoughts. I suppose I'm not the only one with cryptic writing and people will make their own judgements about who I'm writing about. I'm impatient and I don't want to play these confounding mind games with anyone. The last time something like this happened, I wasn't understanding nor calm. I'm really trying to not say anything because I know there will be no point of return if I start raising my concerns. All I can say is that I was patient on multiple occasions, so I'm just going to assume the worst. Well I'm essentially done with classes for the week. I suppose this is a good time to start focusing on doing a bit of research for my assignments and also the job interview. I'm nervous but I'm sure it'll be a good experience, regardless of whether I get the job or not.

I was awoken early in the morning by a text message. It was from a person I haven't spoken to in a long time, a person who has simply been forgotten. I read the message whilst in my drowsy stupor and promptly went back to sleep. Getting more sleep was my priority, everything else seemed irrelevant.  By the time I had woken up, I thought it was all but a mere dream. Against my better judgement, I checked my message inbox. Sure enough, there it was. I didn't know what to do. I thought to myself that I am a mature adult and that all has been forgiven. When I say forgiven, I mean that it is all behind me. I do not hope for anything to happen.  I once considered changing my phone number. But then I thought, what if this person wanted to contact me one day? Now I wish I had because I wouldn't have to deal with the sort of disappointment that comes with these unexpected attempts of communication. Today I am no longer disappointed, all that I feel is apathy. I expect nothing...

Suze reminded me of some cheesy line I wrote in a script we wrote in high school... "All things come to an end." It certainly rings some truth.

Forget what I posted earlier, I'm fine now. I've thought about a few pressing issues rather thoroughly. Sometimes letting go is simply the best option, I'd have one less thing to worry about. I'm growing increasingly accustomed to you not being there. Pisan and I went to Cockatoo Island for the 17th Biennale of Sydney yesterday. I rather enjoyed it, minus the long queues whilst waiting for the ferry. I'd say a few people weren't quite sure why they were lining up but wanted to be a part of the hype. There was a particular exhibit with wax figures of significant political bodies in glass coffins. They looked like they were going to get up and start walking around the room... We stopped at the hospital bed and saw this fellow lying there. Pisan stood right next to it and heard breathing noises, it startled the both of us. Wax figures are so creepy... It was a pretty good day. Minus the long ferry queues, getting startled by the wax figure, and getting lo...

 ...Hemingway kicking a can.

The cure for boredom is curiousity, there is no cure for curiousity. -Dorothy Parker

There is nothing to salvage. I choose to heed the wise words of friends and forsake everything. I felt too unwell to go to class and do my speech. I went to the doctor and somehow bawled my eyes out. I think I made a very good impression on the doctor. Things have been quite stressing as of late. The doctor prescribed me some Stemzine, but I don't think I'll take any of it. I'm not loving the possibility of it rendering a drowsy effect on me. I must start studying for HR/IR strategy, I'm quite behind seeing as I just got the book this week (its already week 5). Hopefully I can cram everything in and catch up by the end of tomorrow... Then I can start my project! I'm quite doubtful I can defy all odds and surpass those law students. I am but a blank piece of paper if you measure me up against them. But hey, my essay scored the second top mark back in summer school (grr law student beat me). Perhaps I can defy those odds once again. Tis as impossible that he's ...

I sure had quite a nice sleep, I didn't end up taking that sleeping pill. I've stopped thinking so much now. And yes, Elisa... I'm still on speaking terms with the mumbler. The decision I made was to not dwell on matters which complicate my mind. Whether that was a wise decision, I'll never know... At least not right now. Perhaps it is my way of diverting or avoiding the trouble, but I can't seem to face it right now. I guess I'm lacking in the courage department. So H has replied me, and I may be seeing her on a Monday... Not sure when exactly. But you're right, I don't have to stop seeing a friend just cause of what Tim said. Besides, whatever happened between those two are between them. I just wonder if Tim would get angry at me... A part of me wishes he would never know that I've planned to see her again. Besides, what he doesn't know can't possibly kill him. Right? I wonder if I should consult the others and see if they'd want to s...

Sigh. I've always felt ambivalence looming ahead before me, more so after we crossed paths. I often find myself wondering if things would be any better if we had never met. I grow tiresome of constantly thinking and more thinking. And perhaps you're right Elisa, I am worrying myself sick. My initial thought was to not think about these issues furthermore. But what good would that do? I opted to ignore the mumbler yesterday and even as I write. And what good did that do? You only crossed my mind more so than often. And as Susu mentioned, maybe being Schizophrenic or being diagnosed with Alzheimer's is the only cure. But Susu, I guess its much too early for us to speak of those things (perhaps in a few more decades, eh?)! For me, I'd choose to deject and forsake matters which complicate my mind. Life is only so long, I only have so much time to worry. Perhaps it is for the best that I pretend you don't exist. And I wish that would would also follow suit. Each morn...