Abstruse Musing

The general consensus is that everyone enjoys birthdays, particularly their own. I'm quite indifferent when it comes to my own birthday, but I'm excited about attending other people's birthday get togethers. I guess I don't really like my own birthday, I'm not worried about ageing just yet. My grandfather passed away a few years ago, coincidently his death was a fortnight before my birthday. I remember spending many days leading up to my birthday and after just grieving. I didn't come to terms with his death for a long time. I remember crying on a few birthdays after his death, but always in private. I've come to accept his passing yet I still cannot warm to the very idea of my own birthday. I suppose I look forward to the birthday cake. Theres some comfort in seeing everyone huddled around the lit candles, smiling and singing. Everything else is rudimentary. There are people we meet that enrich our lives, I think I have found these significant people....

I don't cope very well with insecurity, I never have. Today I was paralyzed by insecurity, I completely broke down. I lost my wallet either during or after my lunch break at work. I couldn't find it any where, I've never lost something as important as my wallet. I just broke down in tears and stopped working completely. I was dysfunctional. I called a few friends to talk, just to keep me sane. Before that, I just kept walking around in circles and proclaiming all sort of profanities. I'm relieved two friends came to pick me up from work. Eventually my wallet was handed in to the information desk. Everything remained, all but the money. But that's fine. Today was indeed, a grey day I hated. I bought this owl at the end of my lunch break, the shop keeper told me it was for good luck. Maybe it was good luck after all, I got my wallet back eventually. I'm as stubborn as a mule. I grew up doing everything on my own, I rarely ever want help. I want to solve every...

I didn't bother going to the doctor on Saturday. I'm going to brush it off and assume it's just about the antibiotics. Honestly, I slept in until 4pm. I couldn't be bothered to make the trip to the clinic. And as for my cousin, he needs someone to fill in a couple of days of work. I appreciate the opportunity, but I have doubts whether I'd fit in. I'm not particularly fluent in speaking mandarin and most of the employees there are fluent. I spoke to my friend who had just recently got married, I missed her wedding since I was sick. She invited me and a friend over to meet her family, I'm rather looking forward to it. She sounded really happy and told me that there were sparks between two people at the wedding. I wonder how that will go! Today my  friend  from university told me she was getting married in June. I was really excited, seeing as I missed my other friend's wedding. I know I haven't been exactly sure with what I wanted to do. But I kn...

Tonight was a pretty messy night. I had one too many drinks then fell asleep in my own bathroom. The bad part is remembering that I still remember. I spoke to a good friend of mine shortly after my nap and surely I felt much better. Even though I've only known her for 4 years, it seems as though I've known her for much longer. There are things I talk about with her that I usually keep bottled up. If time heals all wounds, I wonder how much more time I need... I should sleep, its 3:53am right now. But I'm not drowsy after that very lady-like nap from earlier. When people were dreaming of making it big in the world of finance, law, science and business... I was trying to find myself. And I suppose I'm still trying to do that right now. It's funny now that I think about it. I used to laugh when someone told me they fell asleep in the bathroom. I feel so disheartened knowing that I still remember so much. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to laugh at that memory ...

I've always mused that it was very strange in movies when people declare they can't live without a certain person. I was very stubborn and lived out each day nulled of a person's existence. This was purely by choice and my choice alone. If I could choose again, I wouldn't be so selfish. I spoke to a childhood friend on the phone a few moments ago. Things are happening for everyone this year, I'm really pleased to hear about these enticing new beginnings on the horizon. My friend wants to go take language classes at a college, she wants to learn French or Japanese. She hopes to learn either one of those languages so that she can go work overseas one day. I've always wanted to brush up on my horrid French, its a shame my university doesn't teach French. As strange as it sounds, I'm actually enjoying statistics for business. When I finished my high school exams, I really had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. It took me a very long time to reali...

Happiness is a never ending quest for many of us. Some never quite find it whilst some spend their entire lives searching for it. Happiness is intangible, you can't see it nor can you touch it. You can't see all things with plain sight, sometimes you have to look much deeper than that.  The most common mistake that people commit is the presumption that happiness is something which must constantly be pursued. Instead of aimlessly searching, we should create our own happiness. Sometimes you must brave the dark hour of reason before you can appreciate all that is before you.  Friends are the very foundation of my entity. Without foundation, I would not exist. This is me writing to give thanks to those who mean anything at all to me. Some of them won't see this at all, but that's fine by me. Thank you for your counsel, encouragement and simply being there.  P.S I have no idea who those guys are in the picture above, but they sure made this a very memorable pict...

A friend's engagement party was on Sunday, I tried to make her a gift myself. To be absolutely honest, I never swore so much whilst putting a gift together. I had to sew by hand, cover the cardboard box, make the chocolate bouquet and arrange it in the box. The upside is that I met her lovely family and also saw a few university friends. They kept telling us to eat and dance. Which goes well together I suppose, you eat then dance off the food. I'm really happy that my friend has found the one. I never realized how old I've become. I just never noticed until a few friend's children started calling me aunt Betty, realizing I could talk to mothers and grandmothers, developing road rage. I say all this and I'm 21. Age is no guarantee of maturity. A person does not turn 18 and miraculously become mature overnight. I don't think I've matured until lately. I used to be a person living in the now and then, now I'm more future minded. I've learned to let...

Last night was certainly something, memorable in many ways. We went to see the local fireworks and had trouble reverse parking. Thankfully a stranger on the street offered to help us park the car. A friend suggested we drive near the city to see the midnight fireworks, and so began our very memorable race.  We power walked from the car along the dark streets, hopped on the bus at 11:45pm, ran out the bus at 11:59pm... Then the fireworks began, everyone was in awe and some people started singing the national anthem. Then we had to wait 30 minutes to get onto the bus and find our cars in the dark. It was, without saying, the most memorable new year.  I don't have a new years resolution, I never keep my word any way. They say people come into our lives for a reason, season or lifetime. I'm thankful for the people that are a part of my life. We share our happiness and sometimes our sorrows. Whether a person comes into my life for a reason, season or lifetime; I'm grateful fo...

Things are starting to look a little better for me since I had asked that question with no answer. I don't wish to cling onto relics of the past and memories of what could never be. When the heart is filled with waves of deep void, we unconsciously seek to fill in those empty spaces. Immediate change may be difficult to deal with, but I know that this too shall pass. I learned to play chess yesterday at 1am, I'm sure it looked quite bizarre to anyone that saw us. Three people sitting at a 24 hour fast food place, all transfixed on a chess set and quietly murmuring to one another. We left at 4am when the cleaner politely kicked us out. Chess and gossip makes a fine combination, a match made in heaven. In the end, my friends are always the ones which matter the most to me. I've always placed them before relationships, I never want to be the type of person who puts a guy before friends. The heart can wait, it needs time to recuperate and time off to forsake. I have but one...

The happiest event in my childhood occurred in the year 2000, three classmates and I tried out for the school dance group. It was great to be able to leave class and go to dance rehearsals, although the downside was giving up our lunchtime. Our teacher, Miss Plimmer, said that she would be taking us all to audition for the Olympics opening ceremony dance team. A small group of us were selected and we were really excited to be a part of something so big. The great thing was that we didn't have to attend school everyday. We came to school then hopped on a chartered bus to an old barren warehouse to practice. Sometimes we'd go practice very early in the morning, at other times we didn't go home until midnight. It was always fun to go practice because the choreographer told us to keep the details about our performance absolutely secret. I think we were all excited about the mystery surrounding the performance. We'd often find teachers and students asking us about where...

Yesterday a friend called me and she was crying on the phone. I always knew there always were problems this person was facing, but I guess I didn't expect her to call me. I met this person back in first grade, it was an awkward introduction by both our fathers. I still remember how she was timid and hid behind her grandmother, whilst I was clearly distracted and examining my shoelaces. She came over to do her work for a while and asked if I wanted to go to the city with her. So I did, I didn't really want to travel an hour though. We just went to the night markets and ate a bunch of random food. She said I was like a big kid, I don't deny that. I was happy to see a cotton candy stall and teddy bears in a gift store. I don't act my age, but I don't mind. I called H the other day. To be honest, I had this feeling that I wouldn't be able to reach her. She rarely ever picks up her phone or answers texts. I was very surprised that she did in fact pick up her phon...

The King decided to tell the Jester his secret. The Jester promised he would be true to his word and would never tell a soul. Days soon passed, the Jester wanted to tell someone but he remembered his promise. The King instructed him to not tell a soul, but he did not say he could not tell the river. The Jester whispered to the river, he said that the river must not tell a soul. The river carried the words to the wind, and the wind whispered to the trees. Eventually people of the kingdom found out and the words spread like wildfire. The King was outraged upon hearing this and had the Jester beheaded for slander.  That was an old story a teacher once told me in primary school, I still remember that story till this day. I don't mind when people tell me their problems or how much they love their significant other. But can you just limit the things I don't need to know? I'm never going to see that person the same way after you tell me that. P.S I just noticed I've gone...

I know I don't use my time wisely, but I decided to spend time with friends instead of writing that audit. It was not planned, but three of us dressed up as characters from Alice in wonderland. Obviously my mad hatter costume got lost in the mail, much to my dismay. I had to come up with a last minute costume, Cheshire cat (minus the ears and tail, use your imagination).  I didn't have the time to make finger food for the get together. The concoction of sleeping pills put me in a sleep coma which lasted until the afternoon. Andrew made ghost biscuits, they were surprisingly nice despite how strange they look. White chocolate and shortbread biscuits are a match made in heaven.  An made the cutest Oreo spiders. I wish there were more of the spiders and ghost biscuits. These are the only spiders that I could possibly like. Josh showed me a video of him feeding his pet tarantulas and scorpion, that was quite interesting. I thought I was strange for owning a pet frog, but...

I wish I had one of these giant erasers. Its a quiet day at home. Relatively, until my Aunt came over and obliterated the silence. I swear she needs to tone down her voice sometimes. She sounds like a fish monger's wife. I was supposed to meet up with a particular friend to discuss business and life over lunch. But I decided it was best to drop those plans for today, I'm somewhat too embarassed to return to the restaurant she suggested we should go to. Tuesday nights have become notorious for tequila and vodka with a few of my girlfriends. We probably should've waited til we were sober before we went to a restaurant to eat. Jen and I pretty much fell asleep at the table for the most part, whilst the others threw up in the bathroom. I feel pretty bad about it. The gamer was angry, I was supposed to look after his girlfriend afterall. I'll be reminded of last night's events until the pain in my fingers surpass. Apparently I shut the car window on my own ...

I went off on a tangent, I'm sure that was evident in my last two posts. My feelings were genuine, but I gave up because of several underlying reasons far beyond my control. I'm still lingering in between, theres no doubt about that. The only difference between now and two months ago is that I've come to expect nothing out of you. I don't have the virtue of being stupid or silly right now. If I had the choice, I'd choose to be stupid. They say friends are an extension of your family, I say that is absolutely true. They're here through the thick and thin. When we get together, bystanders dislike us because we're obnoxiously loud. But I don't mind, this is just us. We're still the same through primary school, high school and even now. John Donne famously said, "no man is an island". That would definately apply to everyone, I guess we all need back up.