Abstruse Musing

I was told by a lecturer that a certain essay I wrote was not personal enough, I do struggle with writing in first person. The only chance I ever have of writing in first person, is essentially here. Maybe I'm just so accustomed to writing in third person, I prefer to stay away from anything personal. My apologies for the tardiness of this update, I still cannot manage my time efficiently. Since taking this HR subject, Helen, has inspired me through her teaching. I feel it would be a shame if she leaves her post after this mid semester break. The original lecturer is returning and I do dread that. I still recall taking Helen's class some semesters ago, I never missed a class. She has a wealth of experience and knowledge. I've pondered excessively over something she shared in class, ' know thyself '. Now I know what I want. I suppose the real question is... Have I changed? Is it for better or for worse? I don't have a discrete answer. Every coin has two si...

I was really happy to see my old lecturer from HR/IR strategy, Helen is teaching another subject I'm taking this semester. I aspire to be like her, she's so knowledgeable and I wish I could be like her some day. She told us to follow our dreams and to be prepared to change if the dream doesn't suit you any more. I wish I had heard that advice much sooner.  Last night I went to the Biennale exhibition at Walsh Bay, my companion and I arrived rather early. We were hoping to beat the queue since there was a free nail art event, it rained throughout the afternoon so the queue was almost non existent. I did manage to take a few pictures as the sun was setting, that made the wait a little more tolerable.   The exhibition was interesting and I wondered what it would've looked like in the daytime. It was a great experience, I intend to upload more pictures from last night after I've gone through them and edited a few. We sipped on cider and got our nails done. ...

I've thought about going abroad for a long time. I'd live in a city where no one knows me. I want to be free to dream without knowing boundaries. A friend told me about her experience with helping to build villages and teaching children english. I'm so drawn to that ideal. I knew it was something I want to do, even when I was in primary school. But responsibility holds me back. This emancipation that I've been fixated with over the years, is essentially, an elaborate plan to escape all my problems. No matter how the dream changes, one primary factor remains. The chance to start anew has always been enticing.

In 5th grade, I asked my best friend what her future aspirations were. She confidently replied, "I want to get married and have children." I was puzzled by this and inquired, "You'd be satisfied with just being a housewife?" When everyone dreamed of marriage and children, I dreamed of everything but that. I wanted to be a scientist, dermatologist, lawyer, or entrepreneur.  My aspirations for the future may be a little different now, but what I didn't dream of remains the same. Growing up in a broken home has ultimately led to my disdain for marriage and children. I'm afraid to commit the same mistakes as my parents. My parents didn't dream of the things I dreamed about when they were 10. I'm sure this is not the life my mom wanted, she wanted to explore the vast possibilities that life has to offer.  I respect other people's values and principles, but don't expect me to be on the same page as you. It's essential that we have goals ...

Lately it seems as though my writing here as become restrained, I feel like I'm writing for a certain audience. I've concentrated on the more positive side of life but this doesn't feel genuine. Life isn't always rainbows and ponies, that's just the way it is. I'm writing about my thoughts and my life, it's only natural that there is a balance between the exuberant and sardonic. My cousin is returning from England to get married. I'd say many people are somewhat skeptical about this wedding in November. I daresay, even I myself, am somewhat taken aback by this decision. I suppose there is not much to be shocked about  , it was expected that Anna and Tommy would separate in the end. Life tends to take unexpected turns, sometimes these changes reap positive experiences. They're chosen to remain as friends. It would be a shame for them to have known each other more than a decade and lose everything. As a spectator, yes I was disappointed in Tommy...

A friend's engagement party was on Sunday, I tried to make her a gift myself. To be absolutely honest, I never swore so much whilst putting a gift together. I had to sew by hand, cover the cardboard box, make the chocolate bouquet and arrange it in the box. The upside is that I met her lovely family and also saw a few university friends. They kept telling us to eat and dance. Which goes well together I suppose, you eat then dance off the food. I'm really happy that my friend has found the one. I never realized how old I've become. I just never noticed until a few friend's children started calling me aunt Betty, realizing I could talk to mothers and grandmothers, developing road rage. I say all this and I'm 21. Age is no guarantee of maturity. A person does not turn 18 and miraculously become mature overnight. I don't think I've matured until lately. I used to be a person living in the now and then, now I'm more future minded. I've learned to let...

Opportunities come and go, it is up to us to seize them and make them happen. Over the last few years, I have had some opportunities come up. There was a scholarship for engineering and an offer to study psychology. A friend once said I had so many good opportunities come up, but I let them slip by. Yesterday an opportunity arose and I took that chance at this new beginning. Two months ago or so, I applied for an internal transfer. I received a phone call from the university and they informed me that I needed to make a decision right away. After much thought and consideration, I accepted the offer and did all the necessary paperwork. I lacked the courage to adapt to change, but this year will be different.  I'll miss going to a lecture full of people in jeans and sneakers, the sense of community at the north campus, talking about experiments and research papers. To be absolutely honest, I stayed for all those reasons despite the fact that I knew I needed to change. I'm gla...

I watched a movie last night and the ending really resonated to me. The disciple woke up at night and began to cry. His master asked him if he had a nightmare. The disciple wiped away his tears and replied, "no, it was a sweet dream". The master was confused by this and inquired, "why are you crying if it was a sweet dream?" The disciple quietly said, "I cried because I know that dream will never come true".

Today I ran into an old friend, a rather wise friend actually. I can't recall the last time I had such an in depth and meaningful conversation much like this one. The funny thing was, in the past this friend and I just spoke of aspirations of the future. Two years had past since those talks and I guess we have found something else in common. This friend, K, has a profound love of literature (poetry in fact). Something K said today sparked much thinking... Writing can be the one thing that allows you to transcend the boundaries of common understanding. In my mind, the theory of relativity is just that everything is relative to what you perceive. And you're quite right K... Words are nothing but letters put together to better understand each other better. I wonder when I'll be as wise and articulate as you. Somewhere along the road, you discovered your true aspirations of the future and you're living that dream now. I guess I had better catch up to you soon.

I probably should sleep now, but I can't seem to. I may have grown a little accustomed to my nocturnal ways. Sigh, I won't succumb to the humble sleeping pill. I haven't had one in a long time and I'm not about ready to take one anytime soon. I don't know why I think so much at this time. No, I'm not thinking about the mumbler. The mumbler is angry again for some insignificant reason. I can't be bothered to keep track any more. I don't feel like sleeping. The day never seems long enough. Twenty four hours just seems too short, it goes by too soon. It didn't seem so long ago that I was in Miss Miller's class in 3rd grade. I miss being a kid. Things were so much more carefree. We said anything we wanted because there were no consequences. We did what we wanted because we thought we were had all the right answers. We dreamt of doing the impossible because reality wasn't an important factor just yet. Sometimes I wish those things never change...

So today we sort of had a group get together with uni friends (and Priya's sister!). It was nice to see Selin, Tom, Tim, Casey, Priya and Amrita again. I missed old times when we all hung out together after class in first & second year. Although, it was a shame that Jess couldn't come. We haven't seen her in a while. Perhaps I'll catch up with her over coffee and cake this week. I know it is late right now, but I had a bit too much food to eat... Oh and Priya's family are such beautiful people, they're so friendly and down to earth. Its always a pleasure to see her family. It was quite a fun night, it felt just like old times. Oh Susu, what you said does ring true... The crime of the mind is that it thinks too much. I've been thinking too much again. Maybe such thought processes are only existent at bizarre hours like now. I don't know why I feel so sullen nor indifferent about some people. I'm a little over everything right now. I think I...