I was told I needed surgery in a few days, it was a surprise to me. The anaesthetist saw me and commented, " I wasn't expecting someone so young ." I was upset by the time I got to the operating theatre, I was administered more relaxant whilst everyone present reassured me that I would be fine. I was sedated and aware of my surroundings, I heard the doctors commenting but I couldn't see what was happening (thankfully). It felt alien - I was an observer, a passenger and not quite present in the moment. Thanks to the experience of the operating team and advancements in modern medicine, I'm on the steady road to recovery. The last three weeks of my life seemed like a dream, still not quite present in the moment. I've reflected on my life, relationships, career and my hopes for the future. I still want to achieve more. The notion of happiness will always be a constant struggle of achieving some semblance of status quo. Happiness is an equilibrium, fleeting and...
I find myself in an all too familiar setting. It's 1am and I'm working on an assignment, again. Except, unlike last night, I do not plan on sleeping. My sister is back home tonight, it's nice to have her around every now and then. I look forward to the end of tomorrow, I just want to sleep. I'm no longer nocturnal but sometimes I require a sleeping pill to fall asleep. My mind is most active at night, I've grown so accustomed to thinking at strange hours of the night. Lately, I've pondered about Canberra again, the thought of escaping everything is enticing. I know that is no reality, yet my mind continues to wander. I don't know what I want to escape, maybe all of this. We spend so much time worrying about money, health and relationships. If only these complications only existed within our minds. As I age, I've realised that life isn't a fairytale. No one is going to save you, you must be the one to save yourself. When you've lost sight of y...
T hings seem so out of order when I'm late, I really hate rushing about... Final exams are around the corner. Not to mention assignment deadlines are rushing at me at the speed of light. I heard an interesting conversation between two perfect strangers on the bus today. Man: "I like the thunder." Woman: "Whys that?" Man: "The thunder is frightening , yet it is also beautiful in many ways." I found that quite compelling, I've never seen thunder in that way... Thunder always seemed to frighten me, even at the supposedly "mature" age of 20. It must have something to do with being home alone as a child whilst a thunder storm raged ahead. I'm feeling stressed and a little grey, I don't cope so well with stress. I wish life could be easier . My friend told me something pretty funny back in high school, I was stressing with high school finals coming up. "Life isn't about rainbows and flowers."
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