Abstruse Musing

7:22pm I'm sitting here with eating fruit salad and reading exerpts from The Tempest. Lunch consisted of a tuna sandwich, camomile tea and some management notes. The biochemistry lab class was boring, but I'm looking forward to it. Kate is still away on holiday in Iran, I can't wait to see her again! I really clicked with Kate last semester. I didn't know her for even 6 months and I felt like I'd known her for years. Theres just something so genuine about her, she'll be back on the 4th. I'm quite excited, we have many stories to exchange. Today was my first class for (bear with me, the name of the unit is quite lengthy)... Human resource and Industrial relations strategy. I felt slightly out of place in that class, everyone was majoring in law or management. I was the black sheep. A science student working towards a sub major in employment relations. I got a few strange looks from people when I said I study science. But I really don't mind it. Ooh plus ...

I'm distracted. I'm already distracted. Sigh! I need to get studying tonight. I have my practical class tomorrow and I had better prepare for it. I guess I can't drop old habits. Its like that old saying. You can take a man out of the cave, but you can't take the cave out of a man. The same concept applies to me, I can't stop doing everything in the last minute. I guess that is something I have yet to change in myself. Mumble, mumble. I really had no idea what you were saying again. I tried my best to pay attention (with my short attention span). But quite frankly, I just couldn't comprehend to what you're saying. Still, I listened to you mumble for a good 10 minutes. If the moon smiled, it would resemble you. You leave the same impression of something beautiful, but annihilating. Too lazy to upload another snap. And as Susu says, "and now to study!" If only I had that sort of enthusiasm right now.

The title says it all. I'm sitting here listening to that song again on repeat, I call it my thinking song... I'm a little depressed my bonsai, Rupert, is dying. Yes, dying. I totally neglected it for a week and tried to revive it. Sigh! I guess that was all my fault. I hope I can save my Rupert. Again. I've always told myself to get over it. Everytime I try to knock some "sense" into myself, you make me think otherwise. I hate how you do that, I truly do. Yet, I think I would be quite sullen if I were to cut you off entirely. I'm very ambivalent. Half the time, I don't know what you're saying... (maybe I need to pay more attention, heh) You mumble quite often, but I still listen. I think I've officially lost the plot. Thats the only logical explanation. But when things boil down to matters of the heart, they simply don't ever make sense. Maybe I'd be better off being schizophrenic. At least then I'd be oblivious to everything. I don...

So I missed class today. I think that hypotension business kicked back in yesterday. Lunch yesterday consisted of one gyoza and 2 Advils. Tasty? I slept a good 12 hours. It was such a good sleep. Note to self; get studying this week. Its always hard to take the very first step, but I'm going to try get my motivation back soon. I've come to realise I can't study without pretzels. Must've been a habit I picked up whilst studying with Olly and Jess last semester. I went to my lecture yesterday with a bag of pretzels. I just sat there munching for most of the 2 hour lecture. Ooh my sister came across a silly joke. As corny as it sounded, I quite liked it. A neutron walked into a bar & ordered a drink. He asked the bartender, "how much?" The bartender replied, "for you sir, no charge."

Today was the first back at uni. I wasn't looking forward to dragging myself out of bed, but somehow I managed to do that at 5:30am. Quite unprecedented, I know. Today was a very cold day, it was just another seemingly grey day looming ahead. I was quite frustrated because I wasn't able to do everything I needed to do in the morning on time. Instead of catching the 7:45am express train, I caught the 8:05am train. I guess I prefer to take charge with everything I do. But I shouldn't let that bother me, I'm sure everything will go according to plan tomorrow. Hopefully. I was lapsing in and out of thought whilst on the train, as I always do, and I happened to overhear a conversation. A guy was asking his friend how his internship was going, and the other asked how long he had until his degree was done. It sparked some more thinking for me. One responded, "I'm 6 months into my internship." Sometimes I wonder when I'll be talking about that sort of thing...

I've really had enough of the shit people do. And its no wonder that I seem to have a problem trusting people. Everytime I try to trust someone, they just throw it all away. Well if you are reading this, pay some god damn attention for once. Yes, you know who are . I know I am far from perfect, maybe I am in no position to judge. But I'm really tired. I mentioned the last decade never seemed to slow down. Perhaps no one understood the depth of what I was saying. And so, I will clarify that now. Things never slowed down ever since I was a child. Crying was second nature to me, it was almost as natural as breathing. I did not live with the world's most perfect family, I did not have picture perfect parents, I did not have happiness like most children did. I had a "father" who thought hitting a child with a cane was an okay thing to do. I feared him, I resented him, and most of all - I wished I had no father. And to this day, I still hate him. He never respected m...

Today I met up with Huong, Tony and Huynh. It was a pleasant surprise to see them again, its been a while since I last saw them. We decided to drive to Hurstville, mind you, without the aid of a map. Its been a good 5 years since I've been there by car, and I had little or no recollection of how to get there. Thankfully our efforts did not fail, we reached our destination in due time. I am ever so thankful for road signs! It was quite bland and nostalgic. I used to go up there everyday in primary school because my Mom worked there (at my Aunt's restaurant). I recoiled each time Tony mentioned the words "coffee", "icecream", and "games". I don't particularly dislike those words, I'd say they're my ultimate vice... Tony sure has grown up a lot, he's only 14 and almost as tall as me. And yes, I had coffee, icecream and browsed several game stores with him. Huong seems to have matured a fair bit, she will be 21 this coming August. T...

I don't understand why people bother putting up signs reminding you not to do something. I went to the art museum and there were signs scattered everywhere, "no pictures permitted". That didn't stop me and my companion from sneaking in the occasional snap here and there. Hah! Maybe I just don't like listening to what people tell me to do. I prefer to do the opposite or ignore what the person said. I'd contend a great liar is one who is not only capable of deceiving others, but can also deceive themself in the process. A lie can seem so realistic if you can convince yourself it is true. Sounds pessimistic, perhaps even sullen... But it rings some truth to me. I used to bottle every emotion up inside myself. But that sure turned out to be a vicious cycle, its definately one thing I don't want to repeat. Its 2:10am as I write this... I'm sitting here munching on grapes and listening to one song on repeat. I'm really liking this one song in General H...

Its 4:18am as I write this entry... (Why, oh why did I have to eat chocolate at 2am? Wide awake.) And yes, I will be sleeping shortly, right after I finish writing this ... I was never really good at saying goodbye. Its one word I think I could do without. Amy called today, I feel a little distressed after hearing her speak. Sigh! I thought I'd have the chance to redeem myself as an incompetent friend, but I guess it was too early to think that was even remotely possible. Amy said she was moving away to Canberra. That came as a shock to me, I don't really want her to move there. Sure, Canberra is like a few hours away from Sydney by car... She said shes been moving around between Sydney and Canberra with her husband and children. Well we're going to meet up sometime this week, probably Saturday. I'll miss her, but she said she'll come back to visit on random weekends. I thought I'd have the chance to get to know her better and catch up on the 5 years we missed ...

So it seems that sleeping pills are a great way for me to get my sleeping patterns back on track. I found myself quite drowsy last night at 11pm. That is something quite uncommon and hasn't happened in a while. I managed to wake up at 8am, but the drowsy effect kept me in bed for a further 30 minutes. This 30 minutes was spent deliberating to myself whether I should get out of my warm bed or not. Well I must be off to a good start, I've been sleeping in well into the hours of the afternoon lately. It did feel nice to wake up "early", or earlier than usual. Today felt like a normal day, it wasn't a grey day. The sky was painted with bold hues of azure, it must've been a good sign. I enjoyed a leisurely run to the station, that was nothing out of the ordinary for me. And as always, I made it to the station within 10 minutes. A light run and much brisk walking did the trick! Today I met up with Casey and Tom. It was quite pleasant seeing the both of them again,...

façade /fƏ'sa:d/ n. 1 . Architecture . a. the front of a building, esp. an imposing or decorative one. b. any side of a building facing a public way or space and finished accordingly. 2 . a superficial appearance or illusion of something. 12:07am I originally intended to write about something else, but ended up erasing the entire post. I guess there are just some things I'd rather not delve into. I should sleep, but there are many thoughts running through my head right now. I'm not even sleepy, not even in the slightest. Perhaps this calls for the "humble" sleeping pill. Mind you, I haven't had one in quite some time. It might just help me adjust back to sleeping at normal times like everyone else. Don't you just love social conformity? Its just not a social norm to be nocturnal. I say the night is still young, I'm off to occupy myself with something til I get sleepy. Perhaps I'll finish that knitting that scarf I started some few months ag...

So I've heard again from Amy. To be frank, I'm quite surprised she contacted me again. I thought she would disappear again for some unexplained reason... I thought I may have intimidated her a bit after hailing her with question after question. I wanted to know what she did with herself all those years. But I guess I really shouldn't make assumptions based on nothing. And if Stephen King books have taught me anything, I really should stop assuming. Don't assume, it makes an ass out of you and me. Amy called to ask whether I wanted to catch up this weekend. I'm quite looking forward to seeing her again. Would she have changed much? Today she mentioned that she wanted to study finance, but she'll postpone that until her children are old enough to go to school. I used to be jealous of Amy. She was the girl that never studied for a test and got away with results higher than a passing grade. I always thought Amy would be going to university with us, but sometimes...