when ambivalence strikes
Sigh. I've always felt ambivalence looming ahead before me, more so after we crossed paths. I often find myself wondering if things would be any better if we had never met. I grow tiresome of constantly thinking and more thinking. And perhaps you're right Elisa, I am worrying myself sick. My initial thought was to not think about these issues furthermore. But what good would that do? I opted to ignore the mumbler yesterday and even as I write. And what good did that do? You only crossed my mind more so than often.
And as Susu mentioned, maybe being Schizophrenic or being diagnosed with Alzheimer's is the only cure. But Susu, I guess its much too early for us to speak of those things (perhaps in a few more decades, eh?)! For me, I'd choose to deject and forsake matters which complicate my mind. Life is only so long, I only have so much time to worry. Perhaps it is for the best that I pretend you don't exist. And I wish that would would also follow suit.
Each morning we race to get on the train, we search solemnly for a purpose and a reason to be. But at the end of the day, those faces find solace and some expression on their once pallid faces. On Friday, I was on on the train heading back home. I sat next to two strangers. Its funny how there is so much relief on everyone's face at the end of each seeminly long day. One of the strangers asked what I studied, I replied that I study science. He mused that his bald friend sitting adjacent to us, could use a cure for baldness.
I've come to realise that I don't have to be one of those expressionless people on the train. People sit there listening to their ipods as though they were oblivious to all that exists. I've always liked it when strangers talk to me. Wouldn't we all be a little more animated on the train if we talked?
I bid the two strangers farewell and to enjoy the rest of their train ride to the end of the line. One of them said to me, "good luck with curing diseases and what not."
Cure a disease... How I wish I could cure the void that dwells within the confines of myself.
And as Susu mentioned, maybe being Schizophrenic or being diagnosed with Alzheimer's is the only cure. But Susu, I guess its much too early for us to speak of those things (perhaps in a few more decades, eh?)! For me, I'd choose to deject and forsake matters which complicate my mind. Life is only so long, I only have so much time to worry. Perhaps it is for the best that I pretend you don't exist. And I wish that would would also follow suit.
Each morning we race to get on the train, we search solemnly for a purpose and a reason to be. But at the end of the day, those faces find solace and some expression on their once pallid faces. On Friday, I was on on the train heading back home. I sat next to two strangers. Its funny how there is so much relief on everyone's face at the end of each seeminly long day. One of the strangers asked what I studied, I replied that I study science. He mused that his bald friend sitting adjacent to us, could use a cure for baldness.
I've come to realise that I don't have to be one of those expressionless people on the train. People sit there listening to their ipods as though they were oblivious to all that exists. I've always liked it when strangers talk to me. Wouldn't we all be a little more animated on the train if we talked?
I bid the two strangers farewell and to enjoy the rest of their train ride to the end of the line. One of them said to me, "good luck with curing diseases and what not."
Cure a disease... How I wish I could cure the void that dwells within the confines of myself.
Comments
Post a Comment