Abstruse Musing

I tend to fall prey to these turbulent cycles of motivation. One moment, I would feel absolutely productive and motivated. Without any word of warning, I could be completely indifferent. Today my lecturer emailed me my mark for my essay, I made the premature assumption that I would be disappointed with my mark. I started it a few days before the due date and somehow, by pure miracle, managed to regurgitate a little over 2,000 words. Much to my surprise, I got distinction for my rushed piece. I hope this motivation remains with me, at least until I finish all my impending assessments. The memories which we hold dearest to us, almost always return to us in dreams. It is strange how we can forget what once mattered most to us, I feel as though some of my memories have been demoted to feeble manifestations. But I don't want to forget how I came to become this person, so I keep writing here once in a while. Each time I revisit these pages of writing, I recall both definitive and de

There is a reoccurring thought to go exploring, I really want to finish studying and just go travelling. It's great to see so many friends graduate, yet sometimes I feel disheartened by the thought that I still have to dedicate some more time towards my studies. At times, I find myself regretting my lack of planning for the future. I cannot simply say that I couldn't see a future for myself, that is not reason enough. Whilst I deeply regret my apparent lack of future planning, I don't regret meeting the people I've come across. They've made the journey so much more appealing and comforting, I stayed so I could feel secure. And I suppose the need to be secure was the true reason for my downfall. I wish I had made the changes sooner, but I just wanted to be within the confines of what is familiar. Even now I find myself missing the familiar white (sometimes stained with crystal violet) lab coat, the micro pipetter and the immaculate glass apparatus. I'm major

The general consensus is that everyone enjoys birthdays, particularly their own. I'm quite indifferent when it comes to my own birthday, but I'm excited about attending other people's birthday get togethers. I guess I don't really like my own birthday, I'm not worried about ageing just yet. My grandfather passed away a few years ago, coincidently his death was a fortnight before my birthday. I remember spending many days leading up to my birthday and after just grieving. I didn't come to terms with his death for a long time. I remember crying on a few birthdays after his death, but always in private. I've come to accept his passing yet I still cannot warm to the very idea of my own birthday. I suppose I look forward to the birthday cake. Theres some comfort in seeing everyone huddled around the lit candles, smiling and singing. Everything else is rudimentary. There are people we meet that enrich our lives, I think I have found these significant people.