Abstruse Musing

Sometimes I still miss my lab coat, being in the lab and reading the occasional journal article. I'm a little homesick, I miss the sense of community amongst my fellow classmates. I haven't been back to visit because I don't really want to find myself reminiscing too much. Maybe I wouldn't even want to leave, I'd probably feel more at home there. I never noticed that I changed, a friend said I've become more ruthless. I dislike those who lie between their teeth and those who are two faced. To be absolutely frank, sometimes I'm a part of the vicious cycle. I'm not apathetic towards the feelings of others, I don't want to continually dance around in circles. If you want honesty and sincerity, then do unto yourself as you would unto others. The other day I had a nightmare that I had blood cancer, I was relieved to discover it was merely a dream. But it made me think, what if my life was to abruptly end today? What is preventing you from achieving y

I admit I was ruthless two weeks ago. I retracted my few words and apologized. I did that not because I wanted to start again. Seven months on and we still remember these dormant feelings. Perhaps these stubborn feelings would've been completely eradicated if there had been closure.  To me, it no longer matters what either party said or did. I know that friendship is not an option now because I haven't entirely forgotten the history we once shared. The only hope I want to hold is the hope that one day your family would respect you and your career would blossom.  I spoke to a friend yesterday about it. Oddly enough we experienced the same joy, heartache, tears and closure all at the same time. We're intertwined by some sort of crazed fate. Today, I no longer feel burdened nor disheartened. Don't sit there waiting for everything to fall neatly into place. Be proactive and be the change you want to be.

I have always omitted a certain part of my history. I daresay I've kept it a secret for most of my life, I've literally only told three people the entire truth. People are often perplexed when I say I don't want to get married or have children. Like most people, I'm afraid of committing the same mistakes as my parents. A certain bully used to pick on me in primary school because I was so timid and withdrawn. In first grade, I learned to stand up for myself thanks to him. We continued to fight but eventually became friends. Conversely, it was all because of him that I learned to stand up against my dad. I stood up for my mom and sister, I felt I had to protect them. Sadly I never got the chance to thank the bully personally. He's in jail now. I always believe there is a good side in everyone. He said he wanted to look after his mom and beat up his father if he ever returned. I've always wanted to write about this, but I always hesitated. I'm not sure how

It's not necessarily the farewell that is disheartening, usually it's the memories which continually haunt the mind. What we cannot have is always the best, that's just human nature . Writing about it has been my only outlet to express myself, I didn't really want to talk about it face to face with a friend. I've always shouldered everything on my own. And lets be honest here, I'm not going to change any time soon. Perhaps I may have given the impression of a vindictive vixen from my last post, I'm like that sometimes. Truthfully I ignored that person because I didn't want the memories to surface once again. One thing I've learned is that it takes a lot of bravery and maturity to let go of something you want. I wanted to be selfless, but I wonder if I was actually doing more harm than good. I often wonder if my life would be different if I were permitted to start school one year earlier. Of course, the teachers at the primary school didn't p

What happens when the one that got away, came back? Well I'll tell you what happens. You reject them because they treated you unjustly. Well I'm just being overly dramatic here, that didn't really happen. When I was contacted a few days ago, I didn't know what to think or feel about it. As I thought about it more, I figured it was best to leave things as they were. Aren't you happier now? In all honesty, I just lack the courage to take another leap of faith. I may as well save myself the disappointment and sorrow. Today I received Jess and Dino's wedding invitation. I'm really excited about their wedding. She did say her mother (monster) in law is a very controlling and strong minded lady. I hope she doesn't end up marrying into a family like Marie Barone's. The Latin term cor  is the literal translation for heart . Cor  as in an apple core , it is the heart and central component of all that exists. I hope we can all summon the courage to speak o

The first week back to university can be summed up in three words. Drab and repetitive. I feel as though my week has been quite lacking, which is why I've only attended half my classes this week. I grew tiresome of listening to lecturers drone on and on about the transition from high school to university and how to access online material. Today I finally made the trek to Double Bay. It was well worth the travel, I absolutely adore the atmosphere there. If I should have a spare $2.4 million, I shall move there! But in all honesty, I'd love to just move away for a few years. I'd like to start off with a clean slate, once again. Live another life in a country where no one knows me. Sometimes my mind still wanders. Let what has passed, become the past. I have to be mindful of that. Time has indeed been a luxury as of late, but all that will change today. I already have an essay due and many readings to catch up on. I miss being on the north campus and wearing jeans. I'