Abstruse Musing

I'm not exactly over it or indifferent, I have my good days and my bad days. This predicament seems contagious lately, I guess the curse of the tea party was true. I came to realize that Jess, Pri and I were having the same problem. Its ironic how we were so content talking about our significant other, things are quite the opposite now. I don't mind offering people advice even if I'm facing my own problems. You give and you receive. All I want is for you to be happy and I guess this ending will eventually lead you to that. I wish I could've sustained my hope, but the anguish of time is too hard to deal with. If I was stronger, I would've waited longer. I wanted to say more, but I felt like I talking to a brick wall. Maybe we'll talk when I learn to grow up or find some courage. The best option is one which leaves you with no regrets. It wasn't the best choice that I made, but I'll deal with the consequences. I know this will be easier to deal with w...

"The Nymph's reply to the Shepherd" by Sir Walter Releigh If all the world and love were young, And truth in every shepherd's tongue, These pretty pleasures might me move To live with thee and be thy love. Time drives the flocks from field to fold, When rivers rage and rocks grow cold; And Philomel becometh dumb; The rest complain of cares to come. The flowers do fade, and wanton fields To wayward winter reckoning yields; A honey tongue, a heart of gall, Is fancy's spring, but sorrow's fall. Thy gowns, thy shoes, thy bed of roses, Thy cap, thy kirtle, and thy posies, Soon break, soon wither, soon forgotten, In folly ripe, in reason rotten. Thy belt of straw and ivy buds, Thy coral clasps and amber studs, All these in me no means can move To come to thee and be thy love. But could youth last and love still breed, Had joys no date nor age no need, Then these delights my mind might move To live with thee and be thy love. ...

I had the money to buy that plane ticket. But I guess there's no need for that now. I spent a sum of that money, I know the trip won't be necessary any more. Retail therapy didn't seem to work as effectively as I had initially anticipated. I guess there are some things individuals need that simply cannot be fulfilled by the material and superficial. Yesterday was H's birthday. The brother contacted me and I guess I was very much relieved. H is well, H seemed to have forgotten yesterday was her birthday. Honestly, I forgot too. I still see H as a close friend, despite the fact that we've drifted apart due to our own circumstances. I've always wanted to make up for our lost time, that's on my agenda now. I've always written about seeing change in myself. I used to run away when a problem presented itself, I was childish for doing so. Sometimes it is just easier to avoid a problem than face it. I did face a problem a few days ago. I regret what I said, ...

Another crap day today, I hate Tuesdays. In fact, I hate weekdays in general. Molecular biology pract was a disaster, DNA bands didn't show up after DNA electrophoresis. Organic chemistry tutorial wasn't too bad, I semi enjoyed it. Mom seems a little better today, well she had made plans to get her passport renewed and try make it to the funeral (which is within the coming of days). Except one small problem, she can't make it in 2 days. So it is suffice to say that she will not be able to see her own mother's face one last time. I feel bad about that because if I was in her position, I'd probably live the rest of my life in much remorse. She asked me if she should even go back, considering she won't make it to the funeral... Cindy and I suggested she should go to pay her last respect to her mother. Sure she is getting cremated, but it doesn't mean she can't go. I don't know if what I'm typing makes much sense right now, afterall I am rather ...

What sort of emotions should be registered when you hear a family member has passed away? I suppose the natural reaction would be sorrow. Yet I don't really feel that way, all I can register is ambiguity and the disappointment that I'd never be able to meet my grandmother.. Today my grandmother in Vietnam died, my estranged aunt in America told me over the phone. The first thought was my mother, who hasn't seen her own mother for two decades... I didn't know how I was supposed to break her heart by telling her that. The only sorrow I feel is from knowing that my mother will be in heart wrenching pain.

Met up with H today, it was a rather spontaneous meeting... H called to ask about certain plans I had texted about a few days ago and we diverted to the topic of caffeine. Out of the blue I just asked if H would want to catch up over coffee right now... We went to a cafe and I think I almost fainted once I saw the menu. Poffertjes ! I think the fainting bit applied to the both of us, pity we had to rush to get to the cinema shortly. So we opted for coffee only. Well fudge, I'm pretty behind with my studies. Maybe I should study til my brain explodes just for the sake of catching up. Simply put it this way, I'm easily distracted and an occasional daydreamer. Okaynow for some good news! Chuyen gave birth to her daughter a few days ago. Raelynn sounds like a very beautiful name. I must go visit her very soon and get some sort of a present for Raelynn. Sometimes I regret the things I say, other times I simply regret the things I don't say. I'm sorry for ignoring you tim...

Canberra still lingers in the back of my mind. I suppose I could call it my getaway plan. I haven't really made my mind up about it yet. But I'll find out once I go down there for a visit towards the end of this year. I haven't told too many people about it, I'd rather keep it to a minimum until my mind is made. The other day I felt the need to get my long hair chopped off. I didn't even think about it and went to the nearest hairdresser in sight, what a mistake that was. Needless to say, my spontaneous course of action lead to much disappointment. It was a pretty bad haircut, I probably shouldn't have kept talking to the hairdresser. We were both so distracted and engrossed in making small talk. I've long discovered retail therapy solves nothing, simply knowing this fact did not deter me from it today. Thankfully my sister was there to stop me from burning my money. This is just one of those odd days, I'm not like this everyday. I'm going to hav...

I wish society was a little more forgiving to nocturnal people... I don't like the notion of social conformity, it just isn't a social norm to be nocturnal at all. I was putting in my preferences for my UAC application during the fine hours of morning, I was all satisfied with my selection and went to submit it. Little did I know UAC did site maintenance after midnight. So now I have to put all my preferences in again. I guess I will never do anything on UAC at 3am, I shall take note of that. I can't focus, I can't find an inkling of motivation right now. My motivation has been on holiday for many years, perhaps it assumes the pattern of a Snorelax. Only to awaken once every few months (perhaps years). Maybe I just need to find something which genuinely interests me, hence the UAC application. I am so bankrupt after making my late application, sometimes being spontaneous can cause a big dent in my bank account. Perhaps I should limit my spontaneous decisions. I'...

I sure had quite a nice sleep, I didn't end up taking that sleeping pill. I've stopped thinking so much now. And yes, Elisa... I'm still on speaking terms with the mumbler. The decision I made was to not dwell on matters which complicate my mind. Whether that was a wise decision, I'll never know... At least not right now. Perhaps it is my way of diverting or avoiding the trouble, but I can't seem to face it right now. I guess I'm lacking in the courage department. So H has replied me, and I may be seeing her on a Monday... Not sure when exactly. But you're right, I don't have to stop seeing a friend just cause of what Tim said. Besides, whatever happened between those two are between them. I just wonder if Tim would get angry at me... A part of me wishes he would never know that I've planned to see her again. Besides, what he doesn't know can't possibly kill him. Right? I wonder if I should consult the others and see if they'd want to s...

Fatigue washes in at this very moment. It wasn't a very long day, I only turned up to microbiology pract. I do wonder how I managed to get 3 paper cuts before I went to micro. I guess its a good thing I noticed it before walking into the lab... Maybe I ought to get some more sleep everyday. I've grown a little too accustomed to my nocturnal ways. I haven't taken a sleeping pill in a significant amount of time, I think tonight calls for a pill. I would like a solid 8 hours of sleep, I haven't been able to concentrate due to my lack of sleep. I just find it hard to fall asleep when it bedtime isn't between the serene hours of 1-3am. So I was on facebook and an estranged friend wrote me a message. I'll call this friend, H... So H, was once a friend within our circle of friends in first year of uni. But due to tension between H and two friends, and we all eventually drifted apart from H. A few months ago, H texted me and wanted to catch up. But I purposely pretend...

I was just pondering and my thoughts fell upon a poem I quite enjoyed back in high school... Frost at Midnight by Samuel Taylor Coleridge. There was part of a stanza that I can really relate to right now. Awed by the stern preceptor's face, mine eye Fixed with mock study on my swimming book: Save if the door half opened, and I snatched A hasty glance, and still my heart leaped up, For I still hoped to see the stranger's face, Townsman, or aunt, or sister more beloved, My play-mate when we were both clothed alike! I guess after exams I'll have to catch up with a certain high school friend. Shes actually my best friend. We haven't had much of an opportunity to catch up very often. Albeit, I feel I am partially at fault here. I'll try to contact her as soon as I can. Just the problem is shes hard to contact when you really want to get through to her. How I miss high school. I loved the fact that your friends will be there with you everyday, but thats no longer ...

Its 1:56am as i'm writing this. I really must be nocturnal now, I feel most alert at night. It sure is quiet, so serene, almost tranquil. All i hear is the faint snoring of my Dad next door and the soft humming of my laptop. I think one of the most horrid words in English would have to be the word maybe. Its such an inconspicuous word, half the time you don't even know what someone really means when they say it. Maybe, is a word I could probably live without. For the most part, I've lived my life telling myself maybe. "Maybe I wouldn't feel so bad if I did this..." I think we've all been conditioned to automatically think "maybe" when something goes wrong. How many times have you found yourself in remorse and said to yourself "maybe if i did this or that"? If theres one thing I could do without in life, it would be the words "maybe" and "what if"... I'm sure we'd all be far better off if we just stopped using...