2020 vision

Here I am again, it has been 3 years since I last posted here. We all had so many hopes for 2020, but it has been disaster after disaster everywhere for countless people. I wonder what the world will be like when I frequent this personal place again. I hope we are all at a better place. Whilst the pandemic has been challenging, I have thought a lot over the past 6+ months working at home (I've lost track of time). 

I am resilient. But I think you can only be resilient for so long, it is a constant state of flux and you cannot be expected to be resilient for sustained period of time. I keep pushing myself to do more, be more and seek more. And so I'm here to admit that I'm not okay, but I will work on getting back on track. I am burnt out in both an emotional and professional capacity. I am at a crossroad. 

I may be facing a personal loss soon. I don't know if I have the capacity to try do anything about this, I want to but I don't know if I have the ability to fight if this is a losing battle. The thought is crippling me. I realise how melodramatic this sounds... I always believed we all have someone out there for us. What if we don't make it past this issue? Perhaps I need to accept the painful truth that I need to let you go. That instills a sense of fear in me. 

I used to write in this blog when I was a naive student, I recall writing about the grey people who marched off the trains to their workplaces. It never occurred to me at all that I would become one of those unhappy people who wished they were elsewhere. It is a little ironic now that I think about this at 3:54AM. I wish I could've told myself to live boldly and courageously when I was younger. 

It is now October and there is not much left of the year. I remain hopeful that we will eventually see a resolution to this pandemic in the future, I'm not sure how long that will take. What will the world be like? Life as we know it has irrevocably changed as a result of this pandemic. I hope by then, I do not carry these feelings of doubt and fear. I hope I am able to live boldly and courageously. Until next time (to anyone still out there)... 




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

eclectic thoughts and experiences

Image
I've spent my last few days indulging in too much charcoal chicken and an assortment of desserts. So much for going on a diet. I keep saying I'll start jogging, yet my new sneakers just keep collecting dust. I've been pondering what to save up for and a holiday to Antarctica seems rather tempting, I've always dreamt of going there ever since I was a child. I suppose I like to chase after the unconventional. Hope you have a sweet week ahead! Image credit:  impossibleastronaut
Read more

two sided coin

Image
I can hear the rain slowly falling upon the roof and the trickle of rainwater down the roof gutter. I felt a burning sensation from the antiseptic explode around my grazed knee. I have learned an important lesson, do not cross the road whilst you are tremendously drowsy. Thankfully there were no cars on the road, I picked up my belongings and limped home. It was just a bad week for me. I've secured myself a job over the holiday and I rather look forward to it. I plan to enter the  Canon Photo5  competition, I just haven't had much inspiration the last few days. I don't anticipate on winning but it certainly seems appealing. The competition seems like a great way to challenge one's perception, to be creative, to take something ordinary and turn it into something extraordinary.  I tend to erupt in sheer contempt when someone taunts me, I've learned to conceal that now. I find myself avoiding certain people and situations because I know I can't hold my
Read more

modern social context

Image
Here I am again, in an all too familiar environment, everyone is asleep and I find myself amongst the quiet recesses of my dimly lit living room. My highlighters, pens and journal articles are scattered across the table and chairs. An observer would say this is what utter chaos and disorder looks like, although I contend, this looks like productivity. I enjoy this, despite how unhealthy it is for a recovering insomniac. There's a feeling that I cannot dispel, these quiet moments invoke inspiration. I haven't anticipated on staying up all night, it was a habit that I thought I was finally rid of. But alas, here I am wrapped in a blanket and sitting before my laptop. I've got to be more organised and motivated. We live in an increasingly connected society, this is the accelerated digital age. One of the qualms of this age is that we seek to remain connected to people through social networking, yet we fail to really connect to people in our day to day lives. Personally, I
Read more