i need to forget

I don't think about you, but you're always lingering in the back of my mind. Sometimes I yearn to speak to you. But, as of late, you've become the focal point of my headaches. I could not bring myself to speak to you today. Maybe I've grown tired or sick of how things have been. Or perhaps the lack of change I've seen in you. A few hours ago, I was reading old diary entries... I never realised how much time, ink and paper I'd dedicated to you. All of which I've felt was wasted. Its plausible to say that ignoring you is totally out of the question. Perhaps I should do a disappearing act on you. At least that would be much more bearable than to say goodbye.

It seems I've irrevocably developed feelings for an absolute stranger. Maybe I wished you would magically stumble upon all this and read everything. I guess some things are better off being left unsaid.

I probably will never change, at least not for the time being. I'll always be that nocturnal person that cannot sleep at ease, does everything in the last minute, always fashionably late and laced with pessimistic ways. I can't break the habit. You're one habit I really need to break. At times, I find myself thinking I'd be better off if I never met you. Would things be different if we were oblivious to each other's existence?

I've come to realise we don't have very much common ground at all. Just because we're both fashionably late people, apathetic and yearn for emancipation; it doesn't really mean we're similar. The other day, someone asked what exactly we had in common. Needless to say, I blanked out. There wasn't really much. Even after all this time, you're a stranger to me. I don't even know the most basic of things about you. I don't know what your favourite colour is, and likewise.

What a predicament I've placed myself in... Words cannot express the thoughts running through my clouded mind. I just wish I could stop thinking for just one moment and carry on doing what I need to do. Studying is at the top of my agenda right now. I can't digest anything I read in textbooks lately. I want to get away from it all. These past few years have been left pondering on emancipation and a new life. But not much has changed from those days. I don't particularly feel much more wiser from this excessive pondering. I promise I'll study tomorrow. Time waits for no one, I have to keep ploughing on no matter what happens.