Abstruse Musing

The real definitive moment within our life is when we come to terms with the fact that what we want cannot be attained. You know what I'm talking about. Remember those dreams you secretly harboured? It is suffice to say that, I too have experienced this. Perhaps many of you have too. Back in my final two years in high school, I was determined to gain entry to one of the medical programs. Despite having personal problems on the horizon, I made sure that I kept trying. I sat the UMAT, my principal helped me with my application and said that I had potential. I even attended an interview with the university academics, I really was convinced that I could live up to my aspirations of the future. But in the end, that just wasn't enough. My personal problems got the best of me and sometimes I still regret it. For a long time, I didn't know how to accept my own failure. I was compelled to write this after someone confided in me about meeting disappointment, I hope this post h...

I feel guilty about the fact that we're drifting apart, guilt isn't something that I experience quite often. I'm indifferent about a lot of things. Despite the obvious, it seems as though it is too late to do anything to bridge the gap. I suppose this is what happens when anger completely absorbs the fond memories. Even as time dissipates those ill thoughts and feelings, you can't help but notice the expanse of that void. The months of silence have eroded the very core of this alliance, perhaps it was always mean't to be like this. I tried to make amends but I could no longer make the connection. I want to deviate further from the confines of familiarity, I seek change in myself. When paths diverge, you must forge ahead. Forgive me for my lack of honesty. Image credit:  Daniel Parent

Today the sky is blue, the wind whispers to the eucalyptus trees and there's not a sulfur crested cockatoo or Indian Mynah in near sight. I wish I wasn't home bound, I've been sick the last week. All I want to do is stay in bed, read a good book or listen to Lana Del Rey's alluring voice. But I have to write my essay, I've got to keep motivated and focused for just a little bit longer. I'm not really one to organize anything, I have in the past but I see it as somewhat of a chore. I was too lazy to organize anything for my birthday so I just hung out with certain people and made half assured promises to plan something. And it just so turns out that my two best friends, Tim & Priya, planned a surprise party for me. I've been craving for cheese naan and beef vindaloo for quite some time, so this was just perfect. There are times when I find myself reminiscing the times we spent in the laboratory together and those long lunches together. I miss ...

Did you ever pay attention when your maths teacher was talking about corresponding angles and congruent lines? Think back to one of the first lessons, specifically, parallel lines. Two lines the same distance apart, within the same plane and travelling in the same direction. Regardless of how much these two lines have in common, they never intersect nor meet. Over the last years, I've come to realise that I can't overcome this parallelism obstacle. But I suppose, like most things, it depends on how you choose to approach the problem. With conventional geometry, the parallel lines remain within constant distance and fail to meet, even at infinity. Consider ecliptic geometry, eventually the parallel lines close the distance between one another and intersect. Alternatively, hyperbolic geometry dictates the lines swerve further from the point of intersection. What if relationships are just like Euclid's parallel postulate? Well so far, the hyperbolic approach hasn't ...

I tend to fall prey to these turbulent cycles of motivation. One moment, I would feel absolutely productive and motivated. Without any word of warning, I could be completely indifferent. Today my lecturer emailed me my mark for my essay, I made the premature assumption that I would be disappointed with my mark. I started it a few days before the due date and somehow, by pure miracle, managed to regurgitate a little over 2,000 words. Much to my surprise, I got distinction for my rushed piece. I hope this motivation remains with me, at least until I finish all my impending assessments. The memories which we hold dearest to us, almost always return to us in dreams. It is strange how we can forget what once mattered most to us, I feel as though some of my memories have been demoted to feeble manifestations. But I don't want to forget how I came to become this person, so I keep writing here once in a while. Each time I revisit these pages of writing, I recall both definitive and de...

There is a reoccurring thought to go exploring, I really want to finish studying and just go travelling. It's great to see so many friends graduate, yet sometimes I feel disheartened by the thought that I still have to dedicate some more time towards my studies. At times, I find myself regretting my lack of planning for the future. I cannot simply say that I couldn't see a future for myself, that is not reason enough. Whilst I deeply regret my apparent lack of future planning, I don't regret meeting the people I've come across. They've made the journey so much more appealing and comforting, I stayed so I could feel secure. And I suppose the need to be secure was the true reason for my downfall. I wish I had made the changes sooner, but I just wanted to be within the confines of what is familiar. Even now I find myself missing the familiar white (sometimes stained with crystal violet) lab coat, the micro pipetter and the immaculate glass apparatus. I'm major...

The general consensus is that everyone enjoys birthdays, particularly their own. I'm quite indifferent when it comes to my own birthday, but I'm excited about attending other people's birthday get togethers. I guess I don't really like my own birthday, I'm not worried about ageing just yet. My grandfather passed away a few years ago, coincidently his death was a fortnight before my birthday. I remember spending many days leading up to my birthday and after just grieving. I didn't come to terms with his death for a long time. I remember crying on a few birthdays after his death, but always in private. I've come to accept his passing yet I still cannot warm to the very idea of my own birthday. I suppose I look forward to the birthday cake. Theres some comfort in seeing everyone huddled around the lit candles, smiling and singing. Everything else is rudimentary. There are people we meet that enrich our lives, I think I have found these significant people....