Abstruse Musing

"Hesitation increases in relation to risk in equal proportion to age." - Ernest Hemingway

I watched a movie last night and the ending really resonated to me. The disciple woke up at night and began to cry. His master asked him if he had a nightmare. The disciple wiped away his tears and replied, "no, it was a sweet dream". The master was confused by this and inquired, "why are you crying if it was a sweet dream?" The disciple quietly said, "I cried because I know that dream will never come true".

I had the money to buy that plane ticket. But I guess there's no need for that now. I spent a sum of that money, I know the trip won't be necessary any more. Retail therapy didn't seem to work as effectively as I had initially anticipated. I guess there are some things individuals need that simply cannot be fulfilled by the material and superficial. Yesterday was H's birthday. The brother contacted me and I guess I was very much relieved. H is well, H seemed to have forgotten yesterday was her birthday. Honestly, I forgot too. I still see H as a close friend, despite the fact that we've drifted apart due to our own circumstances. I've always wanted to make up for our lost time, that's on my agenda now. I've always written about seeing change in myself. I used to run away when a problem presented itself, I was childish for doing so. Sometimes it is just easier to avoid a problem than face it. I did face a problem a few days ago. I regret what I said, ...

Suze reminded me of some cheesy line I wrote in a script we wrote in high school... "All things come to an end." It certainly rings some truth.

Forget what I posted earlier, I'm fine now. I've thought about a few pressing issues rather thoroughly. Sometimes letting go is simply the best option, I'd have one less thing to worry about. I'm growing increasingly accustomed to you not being there. Pisan and I went to Cockatoo Island for the 17th Biennale of Sydney yesterday. I rather enjoyed it, minus the long queues whilst waiting for the ferry. I'd say a few people weren't quite sure why they were lining up but wanted to be a part of the hype. There was a particular exhibit with wax figures of significant political bodies in glass coffins. They looked like they were going to get up and start walking around the room... We stopped at the hospital bed and saw this fellow lying there. Pisan stood right next to it and heard breathing noises, it startled the both of us. Wax figures are so creepy... It was a pretty good day. Minus the long ferry queues, getting startled by the wax figure, and getting lo...

I've been meaning to post about a dinner I had a while ago with Amy and Chuyen. We got together to catch up one night, Amy made some pho. I met Lilly there, she was quite a character. She had a lot of strong opinions and she strikes me as wise person. We had a few glasses of wine and just started talking about life. I suppose it was rather empowering to hear about Amy, Chuyen and Lilly's life experiences. It certainly sparked a lot of deep pondering for me. I suppose what I'd like in life is stability, that is something I haven't had a lot of in my life. I really need to think about what I want. The problem is no one really asked what I wanted when I was growing up, that is possibly why I don't have a concrete answer in mind. I'm thinking of deferring and try to figure things out. Sometimes I'm not so understanding, especially when I'm clouded with so much doubt. I only have so much patience. Still wondering if I should call H, but I better not put ...

Out of sight, constantly on my mind.