Abstruse Musing

I was just pondering and my thoughts fell upon a poem I quite enjoyed back in high school... Frost at Midnight by Samuel Taylor Coleridge. There was part of a stanza that I can really relate to right now. Awed by the stern preceptor's face, mine eye Fixed with mock study on my swimming book: Save if the door half opened, and I snatched A hasty glance, and still my heart leaped up, For I still hoped to see the stranger's face, Townsman, or aunt, or sister more beloved, My play-mate when we were both clothed alike! I guess after exams I'll have to catch up with a certain high school friend. Shes actually my best friend. We haven't had much of an opportunity to catch up very often. Albeit, I feel I am partially at fault here. I'll try to contact her as soon as I can. Just the problem is shes hard to contact when you really want to get through to her. How I miss high school. I loved the fact that your friends will be there with you everyday, but thats no longer ...

I slept in again, I guess I really can't entirely break the habit. I guess my nocturnal ways have been going on for much too long. Maybe I just refuse to see to it that I change. Perhaps I'll always be that nonsensical, whimsical, and ill mannered child. I ponder too much. The other day, I was so lost in my thoughts... I missed the train, it just went right past me. Might I add, it was not the greatest 7 minutes of my life. I stood there freezing as the icy wind bore into whatever remnants of warmth I had left. I used to like winter, I liked staying tucked in my warm bed with my teddy bear. But now, I really hate to drag myself out of my bed and brave the day. I guess this calls for a sleeping pill tonight, I really must sleep early. I don't feel so motivated to go jogging tonight... Maybe I'll go in two hours time, maybe is the keyword here. I'm looking forward to the semester break, an entire month off to do much deep pondering and jogging. I can't wait ti...

So I've learned one very important lesson, and that is to not pull an all nighter before an exam. I thought I'd be fine, I mean, I didn't look too dead the morning after. I wasn't yawning much either. Sat down at my exam, did two whole pages of my exam just fine. The next thing I know, my eyelids are getting heavy. I'm falling in and out of sleep during my final exam. Just superb! That was a lesson well learn't, and I'm pretty sure I won't be repeating that fatal mistake again. Just one more exam to go and then freedom for a month! How I anticipate the freedom! The notion of a holiday sparks mixed feelings for me. I can do everything I wanted to do during the semester, but found no time to do before. Conversely, I feel like I've wasted my time doing nothing overly productive. I've planned to start jogging again this holiday, I sure hope I can stick to it. The notion of dragging myself out of my warm bed into the cold to jog isn't all too jo...

Its 8am as I write this now, I've decided that I should change my nocturnal ways. It was quite the challenge dragging myself out of bed some 30 minutes ago. It was as though my eyes were glued shut and refused to open. In fact, they're quite sore right now. The only way to really wake up was get out of bed, sit next to the heater with my laptop and do something to stay awake. I didn't sleep so well. I went to bed at 3am, spent most of the time in bed pondering on my fate at the final exams. Rest assured, I've learned my lesson. No more coffee at night (or so I'll keep telling myself that). My sister just told me there is nothing good for breakfast. That simply means I'll have to settle for a horrid instant noodle. Sigh! Hardly any nutritional value in that and saturated in calories, I guess I'll have to settle for that then. I'm sensing this will be a rather superb day... I looked out my window and saw a clear blue sky. Thats a good sign, right? I was...

Its 1:56am as i'm writing this. I really must be nocturnal now, I feel most alert at night. It sure is quiet, so serene, almost tranquil. All i hear is the faint snoring of my Dad next door and the soft humming of my laptop. I think one of the most horrid words in English would have to be the word maybe. Its such an inconspicuous word, half the time you don't even know what someone really means when they say it. Maybe, is a word I could probably live without. For the most part, I've lived my life telling myself maybe. "Maybe I wouldn't feel so bad if I did this..." I think we've all been conditioned to automatically think "maybe" when something goes wrong. How many times have you found yourself in remorse and said to yourself "maybe if i did this or that"? If theres one thing I could do without in life, it would be the words "maybe" and "what if"... I'm sure we'd all be far better off if we just stopped using...

S o it seems i'm fine, the doctor said I should get more rest. Yes, I took his advice. Quite literally too, I've been waking up well in the afternoon lately. Its the same routine everyday. Alarm rings. I switch it off. Climb back into bed. I tell myself 5 more minutes, but those minutes quickly turn into hours. I really should study, but i'm just lacking the motivation to right now. I just want to distract myself with anything and everything. I tell myself to stop cramming, but those those words just fall upon deaf ears. I really don't where to summon up my motivation. Maybe my motivation is to finish uni and just move away. I've always thought it would be exciting to move away to a nice place like London. I don't think i'd mind the weather there. I'm sure summers there aren't scorching hot like Australia. The notion of a scorching hot Christmas just doesn't quite seem right. Ooh, Stefanie sent me some really neat pictures from a safari she vi...