Abstruse Musing

I can't seem to sleep... Its now 1:57am. I really should get some sleep, the last two nights put together doesn't even add up to 8h of sleep in total. Sometimes I really miss high school, I miss the light homework load, I miss not having to think about what to wear to class, but most of all... I miss the proper sleep. Fatigue just washes in and out ever since I started university. In fact, its made me quite ill for sometime. Sometimes I don't even have the time to eat or drink at uni because my timetable is so packed. I remember rushing to physics class once. I felt so light headed and had difficulty breathing. The doctor said I have hypotension. I've been taking medicine to increase my blood pressure, but I've run out of medicine and have no time to get a check up. Lately, I've been feeling light headed... Two days ago, I couldn't breathe properly. I think its time I go see the doctor. Maybe, just maybe I'll go after my assessment finished next week...

I s the sun rising or setting in the photo? My answer would be the sun is setting. I guess thats a reflection of my outlook on life right now. Life is so seemingly out of focus, again. I'm only half way through my degree... Yet, still, I cannot be sure what I want from life. This is like a relapsing symptom that I continually face. Sunrise or sunset? It just comes down to how you see it.

T hings seem so out of order when I'm late, I really hate rushing about... Final exams are around the corner. Not to mention assignment deadlines are rushing at me at the speed of light. I heard an interesting conversation between two perfect strangers on the bus today. Man: "I like the thunder." Woman: "Whys that?" Man: "The thunder is frightening , yet it is also beautiful in many ways." I found that quite compelling, I've never seen thunder in that way... Thunder always seemed to frighten me, even at the supposedly "mature" age of 20. It must have something to do with being home alone as a child whilst a thunder storm raged ahead. I'm feeling stressed and a little grey, I don't cope so well with stress. I wish life could be easier . My friend told me something pretty funny back in high school, I was stressing with high school finals coming up. "Life isn't about rainbows and flowers."

T oday was like any other day, every other day feels the same... Winter is settling in, everything seems to be washed in grey. Maybe even I've been washed in the hues of grey. I caught the 7:45am express train, got on the same carriage, forced my way into the same cramped carriage and daydreamed til i reached my stop some 20 minutes later. Everyone walked in time down the stairs, same routine every single day... Sometimes I wish I could be 10 years old again, wouldn't it be nice to live out each and every day without a care in mind? Wouldn't it be nice to go to school wondering if you'll wake up in time to watch the next installment of Pokemon? Or wonder if you'll ever beat your friend in the maths test? Or wonder what you'll buy at the school canteen with that spare change? These days I wonder if I'll wake up at all in the morning on time, if I'll get a high enough GPA, or if I'll even have the time to eat lunch at all...