Abstruse Musing

Maybe my cascading emotions are overwhelming the entire essence of my being. When you let out one emotion, you open the floodgates. I was once timid, I ensured I became more out spoken. During my childhood and much of my adolescent years, I bottled up every single emotion. I was but an empty shell. I decided I needed to change that aspect of myself, but that change did not occur overnight.   I've grown to become sarcastic, much less patient and apathetic about how I convey myself to others. The media has perpetually been responsible for how we view ourselves and the values we hold dear. There are numerous people in the world that have been primed to believe that they're not good enough, not skinny enough, not beautiful enough. The truth is you are enough, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  I don't want to pretend I enjoy being in the presence of people I dislike. I don't want to remain silent when I want to make my opinions heard. I don't want to be the da...

I have an exam in a few hours, just a quick update. Freedom awaits after Tuesday morning! Went to Sara's wedding on Saturday, it sure was a lot of fun. I was quite surprised to see an old uni friend, I haven't seen her in about 2 years. The past shapes who we are today, but we don't need to continue holding onto relics of the past. I'm starting to space out, I forgot what I wanted to write about. Hello caffeine and calculator... Image credit:  joshylhblocked P.S. This is completely unrelated, but I'm so excited!

Within the last month, I've come to realize that I'm no longer that same reserved person. I have no patience for stupid or rude people. When faced with such people, I always retort with sarcastic or derogatory remarks. I'm already considering applying for another job. It's natural that a person wants to set their goals at a higher point, this is one of those times. One thing I have the patience for is close friends. Much like H, the person I've been mentioning every now and then. I understand that H has problems at home so I don't intrude in her private life. I was hoping to invite her to one of our mutual friend's birthday gathering but couldn't contact her. Much to my relief, my friends ran into her today. I'm told she is fine and she might attend the gathering. Scrutiny is something we will all face at some point in our lives. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, but it might not be the best course of action to follow. As we all know from the ...

Man: "Do you sell bleach?" Me: "Sorry we don't sell that, sir." Man: "Are you sure you don't sell bleach? B-l-e-a-c-h..." Me: "Look, I didn't study university level chemistry for nothing. I'm more informed about what bleach actually is than you are. So for the final time, we do not sell bleach." Man: " So you don't sell bleach ?" I don't know how many people have annoyed me today, its literally like this every single shift. I was advised to consider other people's feelings before I speak. Quite frankly, I don't care right now. I barely had enough sleep before going to work, I'm stressed out and I don't have patience for stupidity. On a lighter note, a friend unexpectedly dropped by to say hi today. That certainly made my day.

I've been told my recent outbursts of sarcastic and aggressive comments were caused by some issue bothering me. I do seem to have a fair few things weighing on my mind. For each time I want to say something derogatory or sardonic, I need to stop to consider other people's feelings. I wasn't offended by the advice, but it did make me think twice. Yesterday, two things happened to me. I took the initiative to listen to some advice and I was presented with the opportunity to forget all about August. I should run with the opportunity but I hesitated. Comfort can be so deceptive. I forgot the sound of that particular voice. But upon hearing it, I was left to confront the memories on my own. I haven't been too attentive to other people's feelings. I might have the courage to stand up to people but I don't have the courage to express my inner most thoughts nor feelings. I'm not looking forward to next Friday, it marks the start of my first exam. At least next ...

As time and distance progressed, I forgot the finer details. What happens when one moment revives all these dormant and long forgotten memories? I thought I would never hear that voice again, I didn't know how to react. I don't want to confront the past, I no longer have the courage to do so. I don't think I should ponder too much on it. I need to wake up early to go to work. I might be left in charge of the report at the end of the day. I don't think I'm really ready to take on the responsibility. If anything, I've always despised responsibility. Maybe that's what separates adults from children, clearly I'm still a child.