Abstruse Musing

I probably should sleep now, but I can't seem to. I may have grown a little accustomed to my nocturnal ways. Sigh, I won't succumb to the humble sleeping pill. I haven't had one in a long time and I'm not about ready to take one anytime soon. I don't know why I think so much at this time. No, I'm not thinking about the mumbler. The mumbler is angry again for some insignificant reason. I can't be bothered to keep track any more. I don't feel like sleeping. The day never seems long enough. Twenty four hours just seems too short, it goes by too soon. It didn't seem so long ago that I was in Miss Miller's class in 3rd grade. I miss being a kid. Things were so much more carefree. We said anything we wanted because there were no consequences. We did what we wanted because we thought we were had all the right answers. We dreamt of doing the impossible because reality wasn't an important factor just yet. Sometimes I wish those things never change...

I just spoke to the mumbler moments ago. I said I was going to sleep soon but I still received a call. I really don't know what to think any more. I said I wanted to forget, but it is hard to when the problem wavers before me. Maybe it would be easier if I you didn't exist, that way my thoughts would never be of you. Old habits are hard to break, how do you break a habit that has been going on for almost a year?  I've been distracted this entire mid semester break week. I haven't done an honest bit of studying nor anything constructive. Hanging out with friends too often is not considered to be productive. Then again, you can't be spending all your time hitting the books. But oh, moon festival is tomorrow... To go or not to go? I think I need to sit down and reconsider my plans, I can't find that healthy balance between studying and social life. I'm not going to think about it for now. I'll sleep on it. Cindy wants to go look for...

Today was another splendid day with Sara, Sylvie, Jenny and Ajla. A literally sweet day which consisted of coffee, pancakes, snapshots & memories. Seeing as Sylvie has not been in contact with asian culture for the past 6 years in America... We decided to go to the chinese gardens to dress up and pose for pictures. Totally embarassing, I know. But it was heaps of fun being with the girls. Plenty of giggles to go around. It was disappointing that the day seemed to end so soon. Much like the days remaining til Sylvie goes back home to Washington. She seemed quite amazed by the beauty of Circular Quay (yes Sara, key). All these years I've lived here I never really noticed the serenity of the quay. It was always bustling with tourists taking pictures or tourists asking you to take their picture. But when the sun begins to set, it truly is a magnificent view. I used to take that for granted, but today it was captivating. I wish everyday was like today.

I'm sitting here listening to the rain outside softly fall. I wonder when the rain within will fall. I'll start this entry on a much less delightful note. I don't care what you have to say for yourself because I've already had enough. Just because I previously said nothing, it doesn't necessarily mean that I " don't mind " . Do you stand by and allow a person to provoke a friend for absolutely no reason? You tried to stop him? I highly doubt bringing attention to the fact that I'm around helps because that is the sole catalyst which fuels those harsh words from your friend. I've chased after enough lost causes in my lifetime, I'm not about to add another to the list. Jenny, Sara, Sylvie and I met up for dinner today. I missed seeing the girls and it reminded me so much of high school. It seemed as though Sylvie wasn't gone for the past 6 years. Sure she came back with an american accent, but she still seems like the same great perso...

So today we sort of had a group get together with uni friends (and Priya's sister!). It was nice to see Selin, Tom, Tim, Casey, Priya and Amrita again. I missed old times when we all hung out together after class in first & second year. Although, it was a shame that Jess couldn't come. We haven't seen her in a while. Perhaps I'll catch up with her over coffee and cake this week. I know it is late right now, but I had a bit too much food to eat... Oh and Priya's family are such beautiful people, they're so friendly and down to earth. Its always a pleasure to see her family. It was quite a fun night, it felt just like old times. Oh Susu, what you said does ring true... The crime of the mind is that it thinks too much. I've been thinking too much again. Maybe such thought processes are only existent at bizarre hours like now. I don't know why I feel so sullen nor indifferent about some people. I'm a little over everything right now. I think I...

I think I made a very good impression on the new lecturer for biochem. I walked in fashionably late, 30 minutes late. I even took the liberty of literally falling asleep in the workshop whilst she went through calculations. I think her name was Catherine, but I was too sleepy to even recall anything. I woke up to find her staring at me, "have you done the calculations yet?" I can tell she is really going to like me! I had stayed up all night to complete my HR/IR essay, it was a horrid night. I couldn't keep my eyes open for long enough to finish typing a sentence. I'm just relieved this very despisable week is over for now. So I'm contemplating getting myself 3 new bonsai trees this weekend. Preferably flowering ones, I need some colour to brighten up my grey days. I was thinking of getting a Crepe Myrtle or an Azealea. Do pardon my spelling, I'm really tired. I probably can't even tell the difference between left and right now. I imagine I won't b...

Oh my god. I totally forgot Sylvie was coming back tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow! Wait, I mean today! I haven't seen her in a few good years, I wonder if she's changed very much. She went off to America to study and she's coming back for a visit. I'm really excited! Ajla texted me asking if I was going to the airport with her. I had no idea I was "going"... I should do my assignment all day tomorrow, but what the heck. Why would I miss such a golden opportunity to catch up? I'm really ecstatic about it, I wonder if I'd be able to sleep at all later... Okay, on a much less lighter note. Mumbler. I didn't want to talk about the mumbler lately, but here goes. So mumbler's ex girlfriend spoke to me a few days ago. I'd rather not delve into the details. But she certainly got me thinking. Negative thoughts concerning a certain someone, yes. Maybe it is time to stop having anything to do with you at all. I can only take so many disappointments. Each ti...

Somehow I managed (by a miracle) to wake up at 6am and drag myself out of bed. We had to meet up to do some group work today and assign tasks to one another. The micro assignment is due tomorrow, and it really doesn’t help that R is missing from our group. It would’ve been nice to still have R on board our group, but I guess certain circumstances have rendered that impossible. Nevertheless, much work is to be done. I still cannot contact the unit coordinator, Louise, for HR/IR strategy. I’ve dropped her two emails titled “urgent” asking for an extension, yet I have heard no word from her still. I don’t know how many times I’ve called her mobile number either, but it appears to always be off when I try to call her. I've come to realise one thing, Friend B is really hard to get along with. I've reached the point where I've decided I want nothing to do with this person as soon as micro is over this semester. In fact, it is quite plausible to say I would not keep in contact w...

I probably should be asleep in bed right now, but I thought I'd ramble on about things before I sleep. First of all, I'm really okay now. I'm not planning to be vindictive and seek revenge on that idiot. It was probably my fault for yelling back at him. But anyway, its already happened. It was just one of those days. So on Saturday we had our primary school reunion (stole a picture my sister took). It was nice to see the school once again, even though it is merely a 5 minute walk from my house. I went with Amy and Pisan to the school. I was pretty surprised my 2nd grade teacher still recognised me and Pisan. There was a mini museum set up in one of the classrooms and it was nice to see the 125 years of history all put into one room for display. I saw many of the elderly there, and its quite touching to see that they've made the effort to come. Cindy said she saw an elderly woman in a wheel chair at the school. She noted that this woman was all enthusiastic about being...

Sometimes I lose track of just how much crap I keep bottled up inside. Sometimes I raise my voice and shout. Sometimes I just break down and cry. Today was one of those days. This evening was an evening I probably will not forget. It was an evening of holistic emotions. One which started with ambivalence, followed by anger, resentment, and much melancholy. After micro pract, me and Friend B didn't talk. We just made our way to the bus and sat alone. But I felt I should say something, so I texted telling her we needed to talk once we got off the bus. I thought it would not be wise to tell her off, since there is still group work to get completed. I merely stated I was ill last week and she shouldn't think otherwise. She contended she was not annoyed about that last week. Whether that is true or not doesn't matter to me. So we departed on a rather "good" ending, no bitter brawl. Little did I know, trouble was brewing ahead of me. This day was far from over. I wa...

I just got home a while ago from catching up with Amy, Chuyen and MSL. I don't think I've enjoyed dinner quite as much as this particular occassion. Theres something about cooking a meal with friends which seems to make food taste a whole lot better. We opted for a quiet night in.. This quiet night consisted of cooking, eating, laughing, reminising, and more eating for 3 hours. I wonder how I will sleep with all this food to somehow digest. I think if I was a goldfish, I would've gone "belly up" a long time ago... It was pleasant to see Amy and Chuyen's children. I simply adore those young beaming faces, they are so full of life and innocence. Oh, I was so touched when Amy's daughter came up to me and offered me a cream puff. I think I almost melted (I must apologise Amy, I can't spell her name). I'm so sleepy but I think I better do something for an hour or so, this food needs some time to digest. My eyelids are already getting heavy... So whi...

So today I had to visit the doctor so he could fill in my special consideration form. I opted to walk to the clinic, which is roughly 15 minutes away. It was a grey day. I was armed with my transparent blue umbrella and walked through the light sprinkle to the clinic. There was much thought between the journey to the clinic and back home. I realised I'm not quite as angry as I thought I was. Life is too short to be spent harbouring resentment or being vindictive. You have to take whatever life throws at you, sadly, there isn't a pause or rewind button. Nor is there an alternative ending like some of those "Goosebumps" books. Somewhere along the line, I've lost sight of what I want. Each step I take now wasn't made with utmost certainty, but rather for the sake of going with whatever life presents to me. There are still some things bothering me and I guess I have yet to learn to let go. I was watching Seinfeld yesterday and one particular thing Frank Costan...