thoughts at 4:01am

The title says it all. I'm sitting here listening to that song again on repeat, I call it my thinking song... I'm a little depressed my bonsai, Rupert, is dying. Yes, dying. I totally neglected it for a week and tried to revive it. Sigh! I guess that was all my fault. I hope I can save my Rupert. Again.
I've always told myself to get over it. Everytime I try to knock some "sense" into myself, you make me think otherwise. I hate how you do that, I truly do. Yet, I think I would be quite sullen if I were to cut you off entirely. I'm very ambivalent. Half the time, I don't know what you're saying... (maybe I need to pay more attention, heh) You mumble quite often, but I still listen. I think I've officially lost the plot.
Thats the only logical explanation. But when things boil down to matters of the heart, they simply don't ever make sense. Maybe I'd be better off being schizophrenic. At least then I'd be oblivious to everything. I don't think I would want things to proceed further. I'm having second thoughts...
I've well and truly lost the plot. There are no words to describe this delirium.

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