the severance
I've really had enough of the shit people do. And its no wonder that I seem to have a problem trusting people. Everytime I try to trust someone, they just throw it all away. Well if you are reading this, pay some god damn attention for once. Yes, you know who are. I know I am far from perfect, maybe I am in no position to judge. But I'm really tired. I mentioned the last decade never seemed to slow down. Perhaps no one understood the depth of what I was saying. And so, I will clarify that now.
Things never slowed down ever since I was a child. Crying was second nature to me, it was almost as natural as breathing. I did not live with the world's most perfect family, I did not have picture perfect parents, I did not have happiness like most children did. I had a "father" who thought hitting a child with a cane was an okay thing to do. I feared him, I resented him, and most of all - I wished I had no father. And to this day, I still hate him. He never respected my Mom, Cindy nor myself. He never apologised when he was wrong, even when he knew he was wrong. Why can't he just let go of his macho man ego? I can't stand people who bear the slightest resemblance to my so called "father". If someone behaves like him or speaks in an ill manner as he does... I will so lose my cool and start infusing some profanity in my speech.
The death of my grand father was the most difficult part of my life to date. I cried a lot in private, I cried because of my remorse. I grieved alone. I cried alone. I cried myself to sleep. I cried for 3 birthdays after his death. I hated my own birthday, I never wanted to celebrate it. What was there to celebrate? I found no reason to be joyful, I just put on a smile and pretended that everything was okay. In fact, it wasn't okay, it was far from okay.
In year 12, I went to see the school counsellor, Jenny, and I told her everything. It was the first time that I opened up to anyone. Things were okay after that, she suggested I don't say anything to not have constant arguments with my "dad". I will not stand by and have someone insult me and my integrity. I still argue with my dad, we exchange bitter words.
I refuse to be silent, I will not have that... I've long decided to shun those negative people. I really cannot continue to surround myself with such distasteful people. I feel absolutely sullen right now, maybe I've bottled it up for too long again. I'm tired, annoyed and absolutely pissed off. I've had enough. And I feel a little less pissed off after venting it all out.
And no, I don't feel any less pissed off at you nor your idiotic boy-toy. I'm tired of defending you and your preposterous actions. I'm tired of giving you advice when my words simply fall upon deaf ears. I'm tired of trying to help you when just sit back and find it amusing to watch. Above all, I'm tired of people like you. You're not the first of that kind to come by, but you're definately the last. I used to hate the word goodbye, but it just comes down to the situation and the person intended. Right now, I don't hate the word so much.
Things never slowed down ever since I was a child. Crying was second nature to me, it was almost as natural as breathing. I did not live with the world's most perfect family, I did not have picture perfect parents, I did not have happiness like most children did. I had a "father" who thought hitting a child with a cane was an okay thing to do. I feared him, I resented him, and most of all - I wished I had no father. And to this day, I still hate him. He never respected my Mom, Cindy nor myself. He never apologised when he was wrong, even when he knew he was wrong. Why can't he just let go of his macho man ego? I can't stand people who bear the slightest resemblance to my so called "father". If someone behaves like him or speaks in an ill manner as he does... I will so lose my cool and start infusing some profanity in my speech.
The death of my grand father was the most difficult part of my life to date. I cried a lot in private, I cried because of my remorse. I grieved alone. I cried alone. I cried myself to sleep. I cried for 3 birthdays after his death. I hated my own birthday, I never wanted to celebrate it. What was there to celebrate? I found no reason to be joyful, I just put on a smile and pretended that everything was okay. In fact, it wasn't okay, it was far from okay.
In year 12, I went to see the school counsellor, Jenny, and I told her everything. It was the first time that I opened up to anyone. Things were okay after that, she suggested I don't say anything to not have constant arguments with my "dad". I will not stand by and have someone insult me and my integrity. I still argue with my dad, we exchange bitter words.
I refuse to be silent, I will not have that... I've long decided to shun those negative people. I really cannot continue to surround myself with such distasteful people. I feel absolutely sullen right now, maybe I've bottled it up for too long again. I'm tired, annoyed and absolutely pissed off. I've had enough. And I feel a little less pissed off after venting it all out.
And no, I don't feel any less pissed off at you nor your idiotic boy-toy. I'm tired of defending you and your preposterous actions. I'm tired of giving you advice when my words simply fall upon deaf ears. I'm tired of trying to help you when just sit back and find it amusing to watch. Above all, I'm tired of people like you. You're not the first of that kind to come by, but you're definately the last. I used to hate the word goodbye, but it just comes down to the situation and the person intended. Right now, I don't hate the word so much.
Goodbye and good riddens.
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