The toll road of denial is a long and dangerous one

Dear A,

I never once stopped to consider that talking to you would be so detrimental. I've driven a person to lose all hope. You'll never see this because I never wanted you to. But I'm sorry. I thought we could remain only as friends. I mean it's absolutely normal that a guy and a girl to simply be friends.

I gave you advice when you were down and when you were too afraid to approach that girl you liked. But maybe that was what triggered your emotions to blossom. To be absolutely honest, I only registered panic when I began to realize that you wanted much more than friendship. And in that prolonged state of sheer panic, I just disappeared.

I was tending to whatever pieces of me that was left after August. I wasn't brave enough to chase after uncertainty just yet. I was trying to protect myself, that was clearly a selfish act on my part. Reading about your frustration has only caused my guilt to increase by threefold. Maybe we're both just as broken by the past.

Perhaps it was merely a case of bad timing intertwined with my inability to adapt to change. My only priority now is of academic nature. I don't want to waste any more time on realizing my emotions. If I could change but one thing, I wish you appeared when I was entirely over the Parker pen owner.