the fat, ugly cow

I made this hideous cow in 7th grade in visual arts class. I was trying to make a cow out of the clay, but I guess it never quite turned out right. People told me it resembled a hippopotamus, but I insisted it was a cow. So I just painted it however I wanted. Call it artist's integrity if you may, but honestly it was simply me being stubborn. I kept this hideous cow on my study desk and I refuse to throw it away. It serves as my own personal reminder to not be so stubborn and to learn to accept constructive criticism.

Now that I think about it, I've had this ugly cow for 9 years. I'm still stubborn, but maybe not as much as I once was. Criticism still is hard on the ears and heart, but I've become a little more accommodating to it. You could say being stubborn is only human, we're all a little stubborn to some degree. Although I do wish I had listened 9 years ago, it really does resemble a hippo.

When I go back and read my diary, I've come to realize that I've dedicated too much paper and ink on one person. Reading about my own frustration and confusion at the time really makes me feel so little. And maybe I'm just a little silly to believe, despite everyone telling me otherwise. Of course, I was stubborn and chose to blindly pursue something full of uncertainty.

I felt like an injured animal and all I wanted to do was retreat. I really let myself go, and as a result my studies suffered severely. What troubled me most was the uncertainty of where I would call home. It was the first time, in a very long time, that I registered fear. I lost a lot of hope during July, I suppose you could say it lead to my eventual downfall. But in the end, I forced myself to study and go to pointless group meetings. I still have my deferred exam to sit, I hope I do well.