you've lost your muchness

"Hesitation increases in relation to risk in equal proportion to age."
- Ernest Hemingway

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

2020 vision

Here I am again, it has been 3 years since I last posted here. We all had so many hopes for 2020, but it has been disaster after disaster everywhere for countless people. I wonder what the world will be like when I frequent this personal place again. I hope we are all at a better place. Whilst the pandemic has been challenging, I have thought a lot over the past 6+ months working at home (I've lost track of time).  I am resilient. But I think you can only be resilient for so long, it is a constant state of flux and you cannot be expected to be resilient for sustained period of time. I keep pushing myself to do more, be more and seek more. And so I'm here to admit that I'm not okay, but I will work on getting back on track. I am burnt out in both an emotional and professional capacity. I am at a crossroad.  I may be facing a personal loss soon. I don't know if I have the capacity to try do anything about this, I want to but I don't know if I have the ability to fight...
Read more

Lust for life

I was told I needed surgery in a few days, it was a surprise to me. The anaesthetist saw me and commented, " I wasn't expecting someone so young ." I was upset by the time I got to the operating theatre, I was administered more relaxant whilst everyone present reassured me that I would be fine. I was sedated and aware of my surroundings, I heard the doctors commenting but I couldn't see what was happening (thankfully). It felt alien - I was an observer, a passenger and not quite present in the moment. Thanks to the experience of the operating team and advancements in modern medicine, I'm on the steady road to recovery. The last three weeks of my life seemed like a dream, still not quite present in the moment. I've reflected on my life, relationships, career and my hopes for the future. I still want to achieve more. The notion of happiness will always be a constant struggle of achieving some semblance of status quo. Happiness is an equilibrium, fleeting and...
Read more

8am deliberation

So it seems that sleeping pills are a great way for me to get my sleeping patterns back on track. I found myself quite drowsy last night at 11pm. That is something quite uncommon and hasn't happened in a while. I managed to wake up at 8am, but the drowsy effect kept me in bed for a further 30 minutes. This 30 minutes was spent deliberating to myself whether I should get out of my warm bed or not. Well I must be off to a good start, I've been sleeping in well into the hours of the afternoon lately. It did feel nice to wake up "early", or earlier than usual. Today felt like a normal day, it wasn't a grey day. The sky was painted with bold hues of azure, it must've been a good sign. I enjoyed a leisurely run to the station, that was nothing out of the ordinary for me. And as always, I made it to the station within 10 minutes. A light run and much brisk walking did the trick! Today I met up with Casey and Tom. It was quite pleasant seeing the both of them again,...
Read more